Almost ready to leave, but worry about my kid

[Awayfromhome]

I am from a minority in the UK and all my family and friends live across the Atlantic. In (detail removed by Moderator) years here, I haven’t really made friends or built a support system.

My husband is controlling and I my mum, who is a survivor and is here on holidays for the first time, made me realised that he is abusing me emotionally and psychologically.

We have a (detail removed by Moderator) yo who adores his dad, even though sometimes he feels scared by him.

I have spoken to someone in a charity about the possibility of going to a refuge, but they mentioned social services and it kind of scared me tbh. I don’t want my child to be in the system. I feel really scared about the thought of it.

Aside from that, if I go to a refuge and start the proceedings would it mean that my child will be separated from his father forever? Will he grow up fatherless? My heart breaks at the thought of it because I know from experience how hard that is.

I don’t know what to do! Should I just take the normal divorce route? I don’t really want to stay in my area as we just moved and transport is rubbish, so not lot of opportunities for work and stuff.

Lots of rambling

[KIP.]

Your child is scared of his father and that’s going to impact and damage his mental health now and in the future. He’s still young enough for you to get him to safety and for you both to have a good safe life. Your childhood isn’t the same as his childhood and families come in many different sizes and genders now. He’s too you to protect himself. Talk to womens aid. Social services are there to protect your child. Perhaps they see the damage being done when you can’t. Abusing the mother is abusing the child. Children learn from their parents and he’s learning that its normal to abuse you. I wish I’d left when my child was young. The damage is done now, please don’t make my mistake x this man is not a good father, your son may love him but love won’t stop the abuse x slowly make secret plans to leave and put measures in place for your safety. Trust your get because things will escalate post separation

[Marmalade]

A lot of fathers have ongoing contact when parents split even when there has been domestic abuse. Lots of ladies on this forum have contact arrangements in place. The level of this contact is either agreed between the parents or set out in a court order if there is no agreement.
Sometimes there is no contact even if a man wants it, if a child is of an age to refuse ((detail removed by Moderator)) or in serious situations where contact is stopped by a court. It depends on the facts of each individual situation.
You will need to get some advice on your particular situation. Speak to the Rights of Women helpline. If you can’t get through, see if you can speak to a solicitor. Your local domestic abuse agency can also offer support and signpost you to advice on this. The WA chat line can give you contact details of your local agency.

[Hereforhelp]

Please get support from your local Womans Aid, Citizens Advice Bureau, GP?. Rights For Woman are a free service.

He has frightened your child, he will continue, he is an abuser and not a good father. You do not have to agree to his demands, needs or wants. In my experience (abd a lot of other women on this forum) you cannot co parent with an abuser, when I finally separated my ex continued to get to me via our children, zero contact now.

Children adjust, keep posting and read up on DA,books, podcasts.. and keep a journal for you.

You cannot reason with your partner, he will not listen and change. He is nice sometimes to keep you there. The abuse cycle is strong, the more you learn about it the stronger you will get.
❤️ sending you strength and hugs

[Author]

Posts