25th October 2021 at 10:03 pm #133006ControlledParticipant
I feel so alone. Most of my friends don’t answer texts anymore so I withdraw .
I am a (detail removed by moderator) out of the family home and I went back for the first time(detail removed by moderator) – I was sucked back in. And now I feel sorry for them. For him. But angry at the same time. How can I be the bad person in all of this for leaving when both myself and my children have been controlled all our lives?
A tragic event has occurred, so I went back and it’s poor dad. Nothing about how this event affected me and I’m dealing with it alone. My children and husband are still in the house. I left again, it was hard and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.
I had been told not to go back and visit the house by my support worker and I know why now.. both terrible memories mixed with a pull that this was where I belonged. However awful it was. It’s all I’ve known . If I was less sensitive, tougher I could have put up with it and not lost the support of my children .
They know most but not all of it and it wouldn’t even matter if they knew all of it because he is a master manipulator and by the time he was finished they wouldn’t believe even the things they did know had happened. He is pouring all his kind features into keeping them where he wants them just like he did with me at times. But he can turn in an instant .. and this side is unbearable to be with.
But now I’m alone with nothing and no one. I have 2 wider family members who believe I should just kick him out of the house but that will make it even worse with my children. I fear if I don’t do what my siblings want I will lose their support too.
I’m in severe pain , confused and just feel like I have nothing , nothing at to live for. It’s just not getting better.
25th October 2021 at 10:25 pm #133007Bee1Participant
You will not feel like this for ever..
The struggle at this time is the hardest,
but you will rebuild and please don’t say you have nothing to live for.
Keep reaching out, speaking out. There’s hundreds of us on here who know how it feels. And the ones who are further down the road will tell you… you won’t feel like this for ever.
There is a lot of support here. 🙏🏼 Sending you love and strength 💓
25th October 2021 at 10:54 pm #133010WhyohwhyParticipant
When I left my partner, (I did have my child with me so I can only imagine the pain and turmoil you must be going through) I hadn’t had friends for years and I hadn’t had a lot of contact with my family. But once I had left, people who had been aquaintences gradually became friends, I also made new friends. For the first time in years I have social events, for the first time since I was a teenager I went out with friends for my birthday. If your friends truly aren’t there for you then make new friends, try to join groups for things that interest you and then you’re bound to meet people who are like minded. These things take time, there will always be dark days but hopefully they will get fewer and fewer.
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