Am I an abuser?

[LozzyX]

(detail removed by moderator) I flipped… I couldn’t take another minute …I went from sobbing my heart out into this monster in like seconds… It was like a switch just went off in my head. My emotions of anger and frustration got the better of me.
I told him how fed up I was and that his only drive in life is for earning more money or finding ways to get money to continue using drugs
I said some pretty nasty things.

I have never been that mad at anyone in my whole life and I certainly haven’t got as angry as that since my early twenties when admittedly I was a bit hot headed!

He said I am emotionally abusing him …and it’s over , of which I am relieved but also angry that it’s so clear he doesn’t get what he has put me through and never ever will get it. Everything that happens it has to a happen to him, he is the persecuted one and must need support at all times.

I hate him I really do. But I don’t want to be such a nasty person lowering myself to my abusers level 🙁

I guess it’s fair to say I am in an extremely toxic environment and need to get out now … And do my best to get out more civilly (detail removed by moderator) because that isn’t me …
I’ve never left any previous ex on shouting and angry terms,that really isn’t my style …and I feel a bit c****y right now for my actions

[Yellowflower]

You are certainly not an abuser. These men push and push. He wanted you to get to that point so you looked like the abuser. So he could play the look what you’ve done to me card. His just turning it round on you because he knows you will feel guilt. He saw you slipping away and his last ditch at control was to end it himself. My ex did the same to me. Please feel nothing but proud of yourself that you said what you wanted to say and his done you a huge favour. Keep posting on here these ladies are an amazing support x*x

[KIP.]

You are not an abuser. My ex turned me into someone I didn’t like because of his abuse. Abuse does change us. If you were an abuser you certainly wouldn’t feel guilt or be on this forum. Abusers use guilt against us. They are manipulating liars. Absolutely zero contact is what you need to do until the fog clears x

[Escapee]

I agree totally with Yellowflower.

He pushed you to the ‘enough’ point. You told him exactly how you felt. That wasn’t abuse that was hitting the desperation point.

[lover of no contact]

Lozzy don’t feel bad at all. You can’t hurt him with any horrible words (home truths actually). Even if you send the most hurtful and cruel thing on earth to him; you can’t hurt him (even though he may pretend you have)as he is delighted (inwardly) that you ‘lost it.’ His behavior pushed you to this point and he’s delighted that he was able to do this. He’s smiling to himself at the power he has over you; over your mind(he’s always in it)and your emotions( he can make you angry, distressed, fearful etc).

Lozzy don’t feel bad for him; you’ve just made his day; you’ve given him a big dollop of negative fuel (they love when we react) and he feels like Me.Big because as well as being addicted to drugs he’s addicted to Power and Control in all his relationships.

Also who wouldn’t lose it with a drug addicted bully. Even the Pope himself would lose it. We’re nearly saints with what we put up with.

Remember also he’s a top class actor so he’ll be acting like he’s hurt by your anger; ignore this.

Give last night no more of your energy; use your energy for self-care and finding ways of how to sort out paying for the roof over your head for you alone.

Keep posting for our experience, strength and hope.

[JustKeepSinging]

I could have written this post. Sometimes I don’t recognise myself because of how he has made me. I feel lost 🙁

[LozzyX]

Well ladies he did take me by surprise , the next day all calm , reasonable, sorry and willing to change..hmmmm (guess it was one of his very final options though)

So it wasn’t the end which I think I deep down really hoped for

Just read in another post how someone has been let down by professionals … I really really get that now… I feel let down by the counsellor I was seeing and even my own family and friends as all of them seemed to be thinking it’s silly old me again making mountains out of molehills… When really inside I was trying to scream for help, but the full truth just never came out. I didn’t help myself really I guess . Now I’m turning into this horrible bitter angry woman . Angry at everyone. And things that used to upset me now consume me like the damage and destruction to our planet, animal cruelty and the young lad at work whose been bullied out of his job … These issues get me so mad now and I know it’s partly misdirected anger I should be using that energy to sort my life out … But I just don’t have the energy !

[LozzyX]

Basically I’ve slipped back into that feeling of being paralysed again … So basically back to square one like how I was 12 montbs ago

[Rainbowcloud]

They make you feel like this I’ve turned into someone I don’t even like now I’m horrible back to him only this last year because he’s pushed and pushed. I feel like I’m now Abusive I hope I’m not and I don’t think you are

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