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Hi all, I dont really know where to start, this is very scary for me. I am a married mum of 2 small children. I have been married for(detail removed by moderator) My husband does the following things and I am trying to figure out if it is abuse or if it my fault as he is very very good at twisting things around, so much so I now doubt everything I think.
Puts me down
says arguments are my fault
says i talk to him like rubbish
pressures me for sex
I woke on 2 seperate occasions to find him on top of me having sex with me
I have also been woken several times by him touching me inappropriately in a sexual way
doesnt like me going out or even into another part of the house when he is home with me and the children – will follow me or come and find me if i go and sit upstairs or go to the bathroom
accuses me of having an affair if i dont want sex with him
shouts agressively at our son (detail removed by moderator)
towers over him and intimidates him
belittles me and things i say or responds to me in a sarcastic way
tells me what the money i earn has to be spent on – his credit cards etc
he goes out with friends whenever he wants but if i want to go out there is a problem or restriction
when i do manage to go out he texts me / calls me constantly checking where i am etc
he has previously been through my emails, text messages and even facebook messages – he even replied to one male friend who was trying to cheer me up & told my friend not to message me and to leave me alone because i am married. then went mad at me for accepting a compliment.
has stated outright that he doesnt trust me with money
He is miserable when at home but doesnt want to go anywhere or do anything with the family
He twists everything so its all my fault or all in my head or ive made it all up so I now doubt everything I think & believe.
I dont know who i am anymoreI dont know what to do for the best. please can someone help me. I want to leave but am confused & scared that its all in my head and if i tell him to leave i am tearing apart my family.
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Somebody who instigates sex when the other person is asleep is definitely an abuser (and from what people have said to me an actual criminal) . Reading your messages and replying telling people to keep away from you is abuse….thats just 2 things, aggression towards a small child, making sure you have no money for yourself is abusive. He twists everything so that you think it’s normal but none of this stuff you’re saying is how a normal person would behave. None of this is your fault he’s just twisted things in your mind so much that it’s hard to believe anything he doesn’t tell you. Take care. There’s a number for women’s aid. They should be able to help you with the next step xx
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Abusers are master manipulators. They lie, cheat and use any means possible to keep us forever in a confused and vulnerable state.
This man is abusive on many levels. If you woke up at a party and someone was having sex with you would that be ok? No it wouldn’t. So why can your husband do that? Rape does exist in intimate relationships and marriages.
Can you contact your local WA and talk through your concerns? They’ll help you gain clarity. Make a GP appt also if you feel you can. Keep a secret log of his behaviour. You’ll see patterns emerge. -
Oh this is definetely not happening in your head, this is full on abusive behaviour.
You need to get out of this relationship, take back your life, do not doubt yourself one little bit, you are fantastic just the way you are, keep strong and calm.
Hide already your valuables to a hidden place, documents, little things of sentimental values.
Tell everyone you know what is happening indoors. Friends, family, friendly neighbours.
Call helpline here and start making plans to leave.
He is very abusive, very much restricting your every move, it is absolutely not ok to tell you what to do, who to talk to and how much money to spend and everything else is he doing to you and your children.
Call the helpline and make plans to get out safely.
If you can ask a friend or family member to move in with you to keep you safer and give you some space to organise your thoughts around all this.
Keep posting here.
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