26th May 2020 at 1:45 pm #104385Worriedmummy2020Participant
My ex and I separated (detail removed by moderator) and have a primary age child, ex runs his business from abroad he used to be there every (detail removed by moderator) then will come back for a month or two then go back. We lived with his parents. We used to go and live with him overseas (detail removed by moderator) months and then come back. When my ex came back from one of his trips and out of blue said he was unhappy without giving me any reasons and as our religion allows it he wanted to get married to someone else at the same time being married to me. It was a big shock to me and fortunately I looked through his phone and found out he was mesaging another woman and had planned all this. He wanted me to stay with his parents and look after our child and him being out there living his “happy” life. I also found out that he was unfaithful throughout the marriage with sex workers etc.
Initially his family supported me and told me to stay with them but soon they started contacting him behind my back and when I confronted them they said he behaved this way to you not us he is our son, I had no choice left than to leave and move in with my parents. I still get blame for leaving the family home as according to them I was the one that left and took out child out And disrupted the life and as we lived with them they have right to see him as much as they want.
Since then when he is in the country he sees our child every (detail removed by moderator) and if in holidays half of the holidays, when he is not here his parents see our child usually every (detail removed by moderator) so he can spend time with grand parents and his cousins etc. From the start my ex wanted his family to have 50/50 access to our child he wanted them to attend clubs after school etc but due to their relationship totally breaking down with me When I said no I was told he will take me to the court to get his family access as I was harming our child by keeping away from his family. Our child was told by grand parents that I tricked to leaving our house and moving in with my parents and that child can go and live with them when older. It has always been his family/him against me and they claim to be doing this because they care and love our child.
My ex has been out of the country before the lockdown he FaceTimes our child and grandparents also FaceTime once a week. We have been social distancing as my parents are vulnerable and need to be shielding we live with my parents. (Detail removed by moderator) my ex’s dad came to drop some of our child toys when our child went to collect them off him he hugged when I told my ex that his dad shouldn’t have done that his answer was his dad was missing grand child.
It was our child (detail removed by moderator) and my ex messaged (detail removed by moderator) saying that his father was picking our child up to see the cousins as they are throwing a party, when I explained it to him that it’s not possible and I am worried about our child catching something and then spreading it to my parents.
He became very angry and Called me pathetic he said everyone was carrying on normal.
Also that I was keeping our child trapped at home and he demanded to know what I will do if schools reopens. He has never been interested in school never attended any parents meetings even when he is in the country. His messages just gave me so much anxiety I had to just turn my phone off. (Detail removed by moderator) grand dad messaged saying he wanted to (detail removed by moderator) when we called him he just said to our child I am Coming to drop your presents off now I thought oh ok as he will be outside in the open and he can pass the presents, when he came he gave the presents then hugged and kissed child again and then put him in his car to face time his family, I was just standing in the middle of the road not knowing what to do. After that ex called our child and said he was coming back (detail removed by moderator) and will come straight away to get our child as he is coming from a (detail removed by moderator) I think he should self isolate for 2 weeks before seeing our child I know it’s not legal requirement till 8th of June but for everyone’s health it is the safe option but I don’t think he will agree to that. Every time I disagree with him I get told to pack our child’s bags and he will drag me to the court and get 50% access. Even if he gets 50% access he will pass his responsibilities to his parents he has always done that even when we were together.
I am so angry at myself these people have no boundaries and I am just a doormat letting them do whatever they want.😔 I have always avoided conflicts but this is just getting out of hand or am I just being over sensitive about all this situation?
27th May 2020 at 10:19 am #104443LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to show you some support. Sorry to hear about your difficult situation, you haven’t done anything wrong here but your ex and his family are being completely unreasonable. Your ex and his family are putting you and your family at risk here, they should not be trying to take your son to parties or even having face to face contact at the moment. You do not have to let your son see his grandparents. You are right by asking your ex to self isolate when he gets back.
It may be helpful for you to get some legal advice, Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal
advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact
issues. Rights of Women are available on 0207 251 6577. They also have a website at
The Coram Children’s Legal Centre is a unique, independent national charity
concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people. They offer legal
advice and representation to children, their carers and professionals throughout the
UK. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480, 8am – 6pm, Mon – Fri. The Children’s
Legal Centre has a website at http://childlawadvice.org.uk/ .
You could also start keeping a record of all of these things that have been happening and abusive messages he sends you too as this could help in the future.
Take care and keep posting
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