- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 months ago by Flowergirl4.
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7th May 2024 at 10:58 am #168427Flowergirl4Participant
I’ve been with my partner on and off for (detail removed by moderator) and there is a history of domestic abuse, mainly emotional. I lost my Nan (detail removed by moderator) My partner works away and he wasn’t home when she passed. He didn’t come home until (detail removed by moderator). On the evening he got home he had made a few comments about the house, about me being grumpy. I let these slide. However the next morning these comments continued. Our 5 y/o has football training and I couldn’t find some of his kit (detail removed by moderator) I asked him please not to swear at him and it’s not the end of the world. I don’t remember his reply but whatever he said had tipped me over the edge and I burst into tears and asked him to have a bit of decency and respect for what I’m going through right now. He absolutely lost it at this point, shouting at me “how dare you, you’re so horrible, what a horrible person” he was calling me delusional amongst over words. (detail removed by moderator). When I got home another comment was made about making a big deal out of nothing and another argument broke out, with him yet again telling me I was being horrible to him. I actually apologised to him for saying to have some respect and said I should have used the word mindful, however I wasn’t going to apologise for anything else as I felt I wasn’t being horrible just be asking him to take my feelings into consideration.
He ended up making a half hearted apology before I went to bed that night. He came a bit later than me and I vaguely remember being woken up by him saying something to me about taking the p**s and how dare I. (detail removed by moderator) I then had enough and told him that he had made everything about him the whole weekend and it wasn’t about him. He didn’t like this at all and it exploded into another argument with him shouting at me, calling me horrible again, saying I’m heartless and have no emotion.
Aside from this it had also been bothering me that when my nan had passed away, he hadn’t mentioned or offered to come home from work early (I wouldn’t have wanted him to but the thought would have been nice) and he also hadn’t bothered to message my dad to send his condolences. I honestly feel like he’s made this whole situation about him and he doesn’t care about how I’m feeling or the fact that I’m grieving so maybe not myself. Am I overreacting or is this his n**********c side truly coming through? This is the first time for me dealing with someone in my family passing so I don’t know how to feel. I was really looking forward to having him home for the weekend but within 12 hours of him being back I just wanted him to leave! -
7th May 2024 at 1:40 pm #168429AllornothingParticipant
Hi Flowergirl4,
No you are not being sensitive at all! A classic behaviour is that they make it all about them, no matter what event is happening in life. If the attention is on someone else, they have to get control back and have absolutely no empathy whatsoever and of course ‘they’ are always the victim.
It is draining but it does just get tiresome and somewhat boring once you start to realise and look at them differently! Sending lots of love xx
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7th May 2024 at 9:04 pm #168441Flowergirl4Participant
Thankyou for your reply! He’s shown snippets of this behaviour before but not to this level. But the way he kept going on about me being horrible was making me doubt myself!
It has made me angry enough to tell him today that I am done, so now just the difficult part of sticking to my guns until he leaves! Xx -
8th May 2024 at 9:11 am #168451AllornothingParticipant
Good for you Flowergirl4! The grovelling may start or he will create some drama to get your attention, but as you say, stick to your guns and look after yourself! Sending love xx
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9th May 2024 at 10:21 am #168478Sad and aloneParticipant
Just wanted to say this isn’t an overreaction at all. I’ve had exactly the same thing. There’s something about being called horrible, it’s really an emotive word. I’ve also gone to bed and been woken up being told these sort of things too. Or he’ll go for a shower and I think we’re okay but when he gets out he’s in a mood again. Like he’s gone over things in his head and found something to be displeased about. Or just churning up things you thought had already been resolved.
When I had a phone call to say my Mum was dying and to come quickly his reaction was who was going to (detail removed by Moderator). He had to go to work and not fair on him. My Mum was literally dying and he made me feel bad to the point I said I’d (detail removed by Moderator). He then said no don’t worry about it. I always think if I had (detail removed by Moderator) I’d have missed saying goodbye to my Mum as she was pretty much gone when I got there. I always think of this as an example of how things have deteriorated as when my Dad passed a few years before he was different. He even offered to come with me, to which I said no not to worry as at that point all I knew was that he’d been rushed to hospital and my siblings were going to be there too anyway. And then after I knew he’d died he again offered to come and be with me and was concerned about how I felt. From that to literally not giving a toss. And that was years ago now and I’m still here. So if you’re getting some strength to move on good for you xx-
11th May 2024 at 7:02 pm #168533Flowergirl4Participant
I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that as well! It’s hard enough going through the loss without having the person who is meant to be there making things worse.
I’ve had nearly a decade of dealing with emotional abuse from him and this was literally the tipping point for me so some good has come from it! I told him I was done last weekend and he had still been staying in my house this week, changing from being over the top nice, to be awkward, to then going back to name calling and being nasty yesterday as I knocked him back. He finally left the house yesterday to stay in a hotel and honestly the relief was immense! I hope you’re safe and that maybe things have got better for you xx
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