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You are not crazy as in psychosis. You may have some unhealthy psychological thoughts and behaviours.
You said you did the Freedom Programme. Did you wait two years before starting another relationship? Did you do the pattern changing course?
I’m not in a relationship. I’m dating several men and taking my time. They do not know about my mental health or my abuse. I want to spend some time alone.
Maybe your boundaries are not strong enough. Maybe you are a love addict and you can’t stand the thought of being alone. I like being alone but I don’t know how to be alone and happy. I think I like being alone because it means I can avoid people and their triggering behaviours. my mind isn’t built for being alone though. I need a social life. I need connection and intimacy. I need to find a balance. Not obsessing over the first man to treat me well on a date but also not avoiding men and people entirely. put myself out there but with boundaries.
Go swimming with my life jacket on.
I’m vulnerable. I accept that but I have to make sure that people and men I meet are not going to use my vulnerability against me.
What is your vulnerability
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You are right I didn’t give myself time to heal and jumped into a relationship straight after my ex to try and distract me from him unfortunately I gave too much away in the new relationship and he has used this against me I believe. Checking my exs fb and telling me what he’s been posting then questioning me why he’s posted certain quotes of course I have no idea and don’t want to know. I have loat myself all over again and feel at a standstill not knowing where to go and who to please if that makes sense
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The one you need to please is the most important one: you.
If you are not happy then you need to do what’s right for you. Can you get away? Take time to heal from the first and now the second abusive relationship? They do say we are at our most vulnerable to new abuse when we’re still reeling from the first.
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I don’t think you’re crazy, I think maybe you’re not ready for another relationship. Even though it’s good to feel wanted. You said you’re chasing your next perpetrator, are you? Do you feel you have no control over your own wants and needs because maybe he’s pulling all the strings?
Take time for yourself. I believe (unfortunately) we have to feel the hurt and go through the emotions of the past before we can move on.
Take a step back.
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Hey. At least you’ve been able to recognise it straight away. I’m no expert but surely that shows that you have learnt from the last relationship. I hope you are not too far in to the relationship, if you are not living with him then it’s easier to put an end to it. Don’t blame yourself as you have not hurt anyone remember. You are good
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In fact if I’m honest I don’t think I’m over the first abusive relationship after recently making contact to try and make child arrangements that’s just turned into my ex putting me down so I’ve broken contact again with him and told him to go through court. My current partner has also used this against me for speaking to him about my daughter
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How dare they treat you like this. I am so angry on your behalf. Im about to go to councelling and its helping me to think ‘right, one step at a time’ instead of having to think of the whole leaving and getting over it in one big chunk. It helps if I just think of being free. Im not seeing my husband after he assaulted me in our (detail removed by Moderator) of marriage! You and I would never treat anyone like that so you have every right not to see him (detail removed by Moderator). Think of yourself and be kind to yourself. Get support. You are not weak, you’ve already got out before, something that I need to do, and you are a woman to be admired for that. Don’t let them put you down.
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