Am I going mad?

[Daisydoodle]

I’ve always looked at other couples relationships and thought that mine was different. I haven’t been happy for a long time but stayed because of the children, but I think it’s dawning on me that I’m in a toxic relationship.

He talks to me as if I’m a child and constantly reminds me of my inadequacies or things I haven’t done or how I could do things better. He takes no responsibility of anything he may have done within our relationship. There has been a couple of incidents where I’ve been hurt, very little remorse but reasons why he did it.

It was a shock when a health professional referred me to Safeguarding. Both my children have shared their concerns which has really upset me of what I’ve exposed them too and adds to my feelings of being inadequate and as failure.

With the lock down my partner is working from home and the dynamics have completely changed and the children now think he’s wonderful and I’m the problem. I keep having to speak to friends several times a day to see if I’m behaving in the way I normally do as he says I’m insane.

I feel as if I’m walking on egg shells and don’t know what to do or say, if I keep my distance then I’m removing myself from the family but if I’m with then they are all so distant that adage of being alone in a room full of people which makes me feel so sad that my children who I’d give my life for think so poorly of me. I was going to try to get away for a couple of days to give me some breathing space – any advice or thoughts would be gratefully appreciated xx

[Cecile]

So,so sorry to hear this, you poor lamb. You seem to feel unsafe and unnutured. This virus and the restrictions are making everything a million times worse. The most important thing is to be safe, physically and mentally. Sharing on this forum will help you get support and advice, and to develop a plan. I don’t know how old your kids are. It may be they are very aware of the abuse towards you, or are fearful of facing up to it. I don’t know where we abused women stand if we need to flee, so I can’t advise you on that. I don’t know if the police can help. Others might be able to advise you better on here in that respect.

[BlueSkiesTomorrow]

Daisydoodle, I’ve only recently joined this forum myself and actually questioned joining at all. Reading your post above filled me with strength because so much of it resonates with me. My partner and I have been together for over a decade. I’ve always thought that our relationship isnt like other peoples. It has only recently struck me that his behaviour is unacceptable. Friends and forums like this have helped me realise it, but even now I have doubts and wonder if I’m just being too sensitive or overreacting. My husband can be very sweet, loving, caring and kind. But also, cruel and angry and switches without warning. Talks to me like a child, uses foul language towards me and says very hurtful things, makes me earn favour like a rewards system and makes me feel like a subordinate in my own home. I have a successful career but he frequently tells me that I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. He never excepts any failings in our marriage and I am always at fault. If I call him out on his behaviour he either shuts down the conversation, or gets so upset that I back down. I struggle separating these two people. I haven’t left him. I know I should. It is really difficult and I worry I’m overreacting.

[Daisydoodle]

Thank you Cecile- the kids are older and are aware things are not great. I’m leaving the house a couple of times a day just to get some relief and talk to friends as I find it really helpful. It’s seriously back fired on me as I popped out to get a few bits and a friend called so I was longer than anticipated but it has caused major issues with some very cruel texts. I spoke with my flaring support and she’s suggested a possible injunction to get him out of the house. But I’m realky worried that the kids will react badly as initially they recognised there was a problem but since my husband has been home they believe it’s my fault and they will emotionally further away from me

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