Am I in the wrong?

[Sogo1234]

Hi all

I need some advice please as I’m getting really confused and not sure if I’m in the wrong.

I’ve just had a big surgery and am relying on my partner to look after me for the time being. It was meant to be straight forward but unfortunately there were some complications which has resulted in me needing help with everyday tasks for a month or two.

Will try to keep details vague so as not to be identifiable. Today we have had an argument which started because I forgot to ask for something until the last minute. He got annoyed and said you always do this in a snappy tone. And I stupidly said oh shut up. Then he got even madder and told me he won’t bother helping me anymore so I said fine.

Later on he has said I need to apologise and he doesn’t feel like I appreciate everything he has been doing. I have told him how appreciative I am several times but apparently that isn’t enough. I was like I don’t know what else I can do. I was in tears at this point and apparently I’m making it all about me by getting upset. (detail removed by moderator). Am I in the wrong? I got upset and offended that he thinks I’m unappreciative when I’m thanking him every day and I don’t really know what else I can do. It’s never enough.

 

He called me names like selfish, childish. I said he was making me feel horrible and again he said I’m making it about me and he can’t have feelings. It’s not the first time he has said things like this (detail removed by moderator).

Am I in the wrong here? I am an empathetic person and I am now feeling like I’ve been s**t through this whole experience. I feel like such a burden. I’m so stuck. I have no one else to help me.

[Indeepindance]

Sogo1234 it sounds to me like wow kick someone while they’re down and trying to recover after surgery, as if you’ve put yourself at his mercy on purpose!

The ‘you always’ comment was deeply personal and no wonder you reacted. Him threatening to withdraw support because of an argument HE started is ridiculous and childish.

To not be concerned when you’re clearly upset is cruel and quite frankly him being selfish, not you.

I’ve experienced this when you’re trying to apologise or bend endlessly for someone whilst you’re struggling with things yourself, but they still manage to find new ways to make you feel like c**p, ungrateful, inconsiderate, etc.  It really is never enough for them, they just don’t see or hear beyond themselves unless you’re about to walk out the door, which he knows full well you’re unable to do right now.

Is there anyone else that can step in and provide the support you need, with the kindness you deserve?

Bet he would feel ashamed and embarrassed if you did ask someone else but make out like you’re ungrateful and trying to make him look bad… so been there with someone like that and they never see they bring it on themselves.

Xxxxx

 

 

[Sogo1234]

Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. Unfortunately I don’t have anyone else who can help me. My family and friends live very far away.

When I brought up him saying he wouldn’t help me anymore and that upsetting me he said he wasn’t being serious. He does this a lot. Will say horrible things and then brush it off like it was nothing and when I get upset about it.

I ended up apologising in the end and saying I will try harder to show my appreciation because I can’t handle the fighting right now but I’m still so shaken up and upset.

I can’t wait until I’m better and can remove myself from the situation when he starts to get nasty. It’s so hard being stuck in our house and not able to leave.

 

Thanks again for your comment. I really appreciate you taking the time out x

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