Am I missing something or are his family in on it?

[runner]

A family memeber of his phoned me up after work really putting my other half down and saying he is doing me wdong and doing his wife wrong. He has said he won’t divorvce her. I have told him its me or her. He then said it won’t be me sitting at home because I can’t see my children. He doesn’t do anything apart from live in the house with us. We have never been on a holiday togeather, do not go shopping, he shows no affection. He is living 2 lives.

I have social services coming on (detail removed by moderator) so I will mention everything his family memeber said to me. She said him and his wife are hoping I will go mad due some black magic rubbish so that they can have the kids. It makes me wonder if there is no affection what is he doing here.

It potentially seems like his relatives might be in on something but I cannot really prove anything.

[iamme]

Hi runner,
Hope you’re ok. They are trying to affect your mental state. Voodoo, black magic etc. is only real if you believe it is. My in laws were/are trying to use Black Magic and religious talismans on me. They’ve been doing it a while now and I still have not taken their son back. Stay strong, look after your kids. Social services won’t take your kids away from you as long as they can see your putting their needs and safety first.

My husband reported me to social services. My social worker was young and inexperienced and had no real idea what it took to look after kids cos she commented on the kids have a messy bedroom. Anyone with kids knows that it only takes a minimum of a few hours before the room returns to its chaotic state. Other than that, she could not find anything wtong with my mental state or my kids. My kids told me what she asked them and they were quite annoyed she’d come into their room without asking. My kids also said she was trying to eavesdrop on them cos they knew the floorboards would creak near the stairs. I don’t trust social services fully because I don’t think they are trained very well in dv. I know for a fact that I am a good mother because of how well my children are doing and how normal they are but SS make you feel like you’re doing a bad job, and like they’re trying to catch you out.

You keep doing what you need to do. Can’t you have their father removed from your home? Could you move? If his family are involved aswell I would be careful. I’ve had community members report my whereabouts to my husband so he can intimidate and stalk me. What about your family? Can they help you in anyway?

Take care, be strong and stay safe x

[freedomtochoose]

What you have said that he said, constitutes a serious threat to your wellbeing:
He said:

‘He then said it won’t be me sitting at home because I can’t see my children.’

I know from bitter experience what this means and also what the intentions may be.

Yes, it is difficult to believe for a caring, wonderful person such as yourself, that
people would actually hope you would go mad so that they can have the kids.

And when you are in this situation, you tend to think you are the only one. You are not, hon.
This happened to me too (although the details were different). Elements of gaslighting (google it)
which took me years to recover from. Basically my ex and his family were hoping I would jump off
a bridge so that they could have child, house and so on. And no, I was never able to prove it either.

It is significant that he doesn’t show any affection, also.
This is really hard, but draw strength from your love for your child and demonstrate in any way you can that you are a brilliant mother (also to outside people) , cultivate a relationship with your child’s head of school, teachers, other parents at school gate…

School events, sports classes, anything really. Write it all down ready for court.

Taking bets, (don’t mean to be flippant) – what your ex is planning to do is argue that you have never been the primary carer and that he lives in a stable relationship – time to put your boxing gloves on hon, for the sake of yourself and child. We will all be here for you going forward.

Big hugs
ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

the reason they do that is that they think it will strike at the heart of your self-esteem, what matters more to us than caring for our kids.
Yes, it is awful that they do that, but better to look it in the eye and be prepared.
more hugs
ftc
x

[runner]

Hi well the social services referral is done because of an event that happened between him and toddler.

He does not know they are involved yet. But he alledgedley slapped our daughter on the face and said good I beleive it happened. Also him not picking me up the last few weekends but picking girls up from my parents and then texting me may be him testing the waters.

He has never come accross strange but the last few months he has become very odd. As I have said it makes me wonder if its true about them wantinf to affect my mental health. I don’t see why one would stay married and living with me.

[runner]

Oh he said he will be sitting at home crying because he cannot see children. I said thats rubbish I have never said I will not let you see them. But you will not be playinhg happy families withthem thank you very much.
Somthing isn’t right. A few months back I askedhim whats the future. He said there is no future for him.

[Author]

Posts