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    • #123262
      overreactinglady
      Participant

      Hi everyone. I hope you’re okay and sorry if a long message.

      I had been in a relationship for several years and seemed to start off perfect but as time went on, it seemed to go downhill quickly no matter how hard I tried. So much effort went in but got very little I return.

      My ex would keep using dating sites but said it was to only check the notifications. One time though he got messages off one site (where we had met too) and said it was a fake profile. But replied you must have liked the swiped to get the messages.

      He once got a message off a woman while out together and I ended up having a big panic attack. He never tried to reassure me and the only thing he could say was I didn’t trust him while was in the middle of struggling to breathe. And I ended up feeling guilty.

      The sites were regularly brought up because at the time I realised what he was doing his behaviour had changed drastically towards me. But only two questions kept coming up: Was I wrong? And did I overreact?

      He had had a hard time and tried to support him through but anything I did, including give him space just always felt wrong and it got that bad it was like needed permission to talk to him. Pretty much all affection disappeared, sometimes nudging me away and ended up feeling like the worst girlfriend and was so lonely.

      I had no choice but leave in the end which hurt so much but after speaking to professionals they all suspected gaslighting.

      Thanks for reading and hope to speak with some of you soon. And honestly have no idea what to think of all this right now but trying to work through it.

    • #123264
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Good morning overreactinglady.

      Your not over reacating at all if your ex boyfriend loves you why would he feel the need to go on dateing sites it was just to get to you some men love the to see women get Jeloush over them it makes them feel good .

      I do feel for you because my partner never used
      To let me even sit down stairs to watch TV I had to go to my bedroom because he wanted to be on his own . When I had come down stairs because I could not sleep he went mental at me being abusive geting angry at me . I’ve had to stay in my bedroom and watch 4 walls because of my parnter giveing me abusive he said to me that he wanted
      To be on his own so he dont upset me at this time
      His family was geting him down he had taken how he feels out of me it was horrible. I felt like I was in prison in my own house not been beabule to watch TV when I ever come down stars he said to me I am watching what his doing when I wanted to watch TV I now what really he was doing when watching TV watching women on TV which made me feel so worthless. This is why he gave me abusive and got angury because he did not want me to see what he was watching. I really feel for you my parnter was doing something different to your Ex but it comes in the same line as looking at orther women.

      My partner likes to make me feel everything is my fault for his abusive . His own up to his own family that his been horrible to me but he carrys in doing this when he feel depressed him self or if he wants to control me I dont feel like my self anymore I feel closed in .

      Your feelings cant be wrong and never dount your self. I hope I’ve help you little I wanted to share with you what I’ve been thought because I do
      Relate to how your feeling some men like to make us feel low and put everything on to us this is why we blam our self for there own accations it’s
      Not right .

      Remember your never alone .

      Sending you hugs

    • #123267
      Lifeinterrupted
      Participant

      Hi overreactinglady. You are absolutely NOT over reacting to this. It is not ok in any way to be on dating sites if you are in a relationship. There is no reason to be checking notifications and receiving messages unless you are pursuing other options.

      At best, this is completely disrespectful of you and your relatio ship. At worst, it is triangulation, a tactic designed to keep you feeling insecure and threatened in the relationship ship so you will grateful to have him and overlook his bad behaviours.

      Also, it is a common pattern of abusers to start treating you differently once they know you have figured them out; withholding and being cold towards you. They hate it because it means they have lost some control of you.

      One of my biggest regrets with my ex is not listening to my gut instinct and intuition more. Your instincts seem spot on to me, and you deserve so much better than him – even if he has made you believe otherwise. But yeah it feels horrible. It really sucks.

      Sending you love and hugs x

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