Am I overthinking this?

[Neverthoughtitwouldbeme]

Hello

I was with my ex for a long time and suffered abuse for a long time too. He eventually left me for someone else which actually saved my life.

I did make his new partner aware of some of the abuse as I was worried and felt responsible.

Basically, we had a dog together who he gave up. I let him see the dog for a few weeks after our break up then he told me I could have him. I think this was because he realised that he could no longer control me through the dog.

Fast forward (detail removed by Moderator) and he has now bought a new dog with his partner which is exactly the same breed. He has also used the blanket we used for our dog when we picked him up as a puppy. Then to top it off he has gone to the same shop we did and bought the exact same collar and harness as we had and I still have.

I know it’s nothing to do with me but it is unnerving.

Why has he done it? It’s like he is trying to recreate something and it freaks me out and brings back bad memories of the abuse and control he had over me.

I also worry for his new partner and dog as it is not fair on them either.

Again I know this is not my worry but it’s part of my personality to be this way.

In addition to this I thought I had blocked all of his social media accounts but I noticed the other day that a very old account which I didn’t know he still had had viewed my social media page. It worried me and I have been on edge since.

Am I overthinking all of this when really he just got a new dog and that’s all there is to it or am I being naive and should trust my gut?

It all just seems odd. Hopefully someone will understand.

Sending love and positivity as always.

x*x

[Neverthoughtitwouldbeme]

Ps. I should also add that I only know all of this because I came across a dog social media page. I had a nosey as I always do with dog pages! It was only then that I thought the blanket was familiar then the collar then the harness.. I checked the followers and it was then that I realised.

[Lisa]

Hi Neverthoughtitwouldbeme

I am sorry to hear about your situation and everything you have been through, I am glad you are safe now with your dog.

You’re not over thinking things, I can understand how this would bring back old memories and make you feel uneasy.

There is some information about staying safe online here which may be helpful; https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/online-safety/

Take care and please keep posting,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Hi there , I have a terrible tendency to think like you , but you gtta remember they know how we think so they play the mind games to get in your head , he probably did do it deliberately to make you think , and he got that as that’s what you are doing . It’s horrible they play these games with us so they can keep us they think remembering them , good & bad times , you will probably come across more weird stuff he does later on also , they still want to know in their minds they have control over us and power , they know our little weak spots and they will run with it . Try to not let it get in your head , I know I’m the worlds worst also for doing this , but by you trying to ignore he doesn’t get your attention in your thinking x

[Blue7]

My ex found out the town I had moved to and all of a sudden had a ‘new friend’ in that town so contacted me to tell me incase I saw them and was shocked.

It’s all mind games used to intimidate and put you on edge.

If I see him I’ll smile and say hi like I don’t give a f**k. I won’t let him know he’s hurting me.

[cakepops]

You aren’t overthinking at all. On paper my ex has moved on with a long-term relationship but in practise he is still obsessed at intruding into my life in whatever way he can. He pops up here, there and everywhere – not just social media but doing things in my local community (that he no longer lives near). I do find it triggering, but I am also aware that each individual thing is very easily explained away and so its nowhere near the level you could report as harassment.

In your case he probably posted lots on the sort of social media pages he knows you are likely to see especially to cause distress. That says way more about him than about you.

As for his new partner, there’s nothing you can do. You ex will be on lovebombing mode, and I doubt she believes about the abuse. He’s probably given her a huge sob story about how it was his dog, and he bought all the stuff, and you are abusive etc, which will reel her in with sympathy.

[pigglewump]

No you are not overthinking it.

My XH did something similar – I lost my dogs when I left sadly, because I had to move to a flat with no belongings, no furniture. My XH stayed in our house.

As soon as my XH found out my babies had been permanently rehomed, he bought a dog. Then had the audacity to say (detail removed by Moderator).

Obviously that dog (detail removed by Moderator) because he is incapable of looking after an animal.

So trust your gut.

[Neverthoughtitwouldbeme]

Thank you so much for all your replies. I hadn’t actually thought of it the way you have described. I am sorry that it seems to be a common thing that some of you have been through. It’s sad to think of but I’m glad we have each other. It really is true that a problem shared is a problem halved.

Thank you again and sending love always xx

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