16th January 2021 at 10:04 am #119851Freedom @Participant
My partner ( soon to be ex) was discussing the details of sorting out the house/ finances last night. He was calm while doing it as was I but he did bring a small knife in nto the room we were talking in. I’m not sure if he forgot to put it in kitchen after dinner ( it seemed unused) or if it was a subtle threat or if I’m reading way too much into it. There has never been any violence or indication of violence before, mainly emotional.
16th January 2021 at 12:12 pm #119855KIP.Participant
It’s a subtle threat. There’s no coincidences with an abuser especially when we are ending a relationship. This is the most dangerous time for you and it will escalate. He’s calm because he probably has no intention of letting you get anything. My ex was all calm And reasonable while talking but when it came to him doing what he promised he simply didn’t. Liars liars liars. Have you had legal advice about house/finances. If not then please do it but do not tell him. Most solicitors offer a free initial consultation x remember you’re here on this forum because you’re in a dangerous abusive relationship. It will escalate x no matter what you agree to.
16th January 2021 at 6:44 pm #119880HettyParticipant
Trust your gut. Remember why we are where we are – not trusting our gut instincts. These men are so dangerous – physically and psychologically. Remember risk increases when leaving/ending the relationship.
Thankfully my ex was calm when I left. He didn’t think I’d stay away. He thought he still had the upper hand. The next time the mask slipped was when I sorted out the bank.
Please be careful xx
17th January 2021 at 11:55 pm #119966IwantmebackParticipant
No you’re not, trust your gut. What we can’t get out heads around is they do these things deliberately then will have the audacity to say we imagined it or play down how serious it is.
Don’t let him know your plans or what you want from the house, they’ll only go missing or get broken and he’ll blame you for it too. This is where he’ll probably ramp up the more covert abuse. If you can record your conversations but only if its safe to do so. Then you can play them back later to see if you understood him or if he was playing mind games. Under no circumstances tell him when you engage a solicitor. At the moment you’re only talking, once it becomes real, he’ll change again. Possibly become distraught, beg for you not to leave or he could become extremely dangerous as you are entering territory where outsiders will see he’s not the perfect partner he likes to portray.
18th January 2021 at 8:29 pm #119992LisaMain Moderator
Hi Freedom @,
How are you since posting? As already said by others it is worrying about the knife so please do contact the police if you feel at risk at any time. Is there somewhere else you could stay for safety? Information about going to a refuge is available via the Survivor’s Handbook- https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/what-is-a-refuge-and-how-can-i-stay-in-one/
Please do keep posting to let us know how you are.
18th January 2021 at 9:40 pm #120004Freedom @Participant
Sorry for not replying sooner. Thank you all for posts. I’m planning on leaving but if I go I’m not coming back soteying to get the most important things sorted. I haven’t had any threats since or anything but really want to leave ASAP. Its hard with covid waiting on a solicitor.
18th January 2021 at 9:46 pm #120006HettyParticipant
Get as much as you can sorted. You’ll know what you need to do. I took photos of important documents and emailed them to my work account, got things into one place so I wouldn’t forget things that were in various places around the house, I made mental lists of things needed to be done etc. Just give mindful that he’ll be watching you like a hawk. Stay safe and keep posting.
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