This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Mumaoftwo 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #72246
     Mumaoftwo 
    Participant

    Hello I’ve been with my husband for (detail removed by moderator)(married). I used to work full time then I went to part time with my daughter(she is not my husbands)and now I’ve got an even smaller human(my husbands) . And I had to give up work. I get roughly 220 a month. He is very flash like he lives a champagne life but can only afford beer. So recently for my birthday he brought me a new car. It was a surprise. He gives my £100 a fortnight for four of us for shopping out of my money I pay for kids clothes and cleaning stuff and nappies and wet wipes and my fuel for my car. He constantly tells me how much he does for me. Obviously I don’t work so I have no say over money he treats home self to holidays and watches and clothes because he works and I don’t. Is this how married life is meant to be. He works really long hours and he works hard I never say anything different but he don’t want to spend time with us and I do everything for the kids and house to keep clean and tidy. I’m always tired. If I say I’m tired and don’t have wax he stops talking to me and then won’t give me shopping money until I ask. Also because if these long hours he doesn’t bath sometimes for 8-10 days. He is a big man and the bed stinks(his side)and when I say something he says it’s an excuse to not have sex with him. Am I wrong for thinking this isn’t right. I need advice please.

  • #72247
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    It isn’t right hon. It isn’t right. Try to phone Women’s Aid. This man sounds abusive.
    Emotionally and financially and in other ways.
    You need and deserve support with this. Well done for posting.
    I was married once and slowly with kids, found myself in a position where I was financially dependent on him.
    It didn’t end well. And it took all the strength I had to get away.
    Well done for posting. Keep posting. Step by step you are on road to a better life.
    all best
    ftc
    x

  • #72251
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi there,

    Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

    I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You have described a very emotionally and financially abusive relationship. You mentioned that he has control over all of the money and will punish you with silent treatment.

    He makes things really uncomfortable for you by not washing and doesn’t acknowledge that this is a problem. He will instead try and make you feel guilty for not having sex with him. His behaviour towards you is completely disrespectful and he is not a good example for the children.

    You are not wrong. Listen to your gut instinct, if something doesn’t feel right it usually isn’t.

    You can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Calls are answered by trained female support workers. They won’t tell you what to do but can talk things through.

    For more ongoing support you can contact your local domestic abuse service.

    Take care and keep posting

    Best Wishes
    Lisa

  • #72254
     Mumaoftwo 
    Participant

    Thank you
    Last month he was gona divorce me. I said we need to go to counselling to try and find even ground. And to compromise. He said he did the biggest compromise by letting me have our smallest bubba. I also told him he was controlling and he said how as he paid for me to learn to drive and for my tax and insurance. He said He gave me my independence.

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