Anger issues or abuse?

[SeaView21]

These past few weeks have been pretty difficult for me..Very confusing..

I finally confided in someone about how my relationship really is (not all but part) and they told me straight – it’s abuse.

I find that difficult – after all these years. I just put his behaviour down to his temper / alcohol / drugs. I always just made excuses for him but the more I think about it all – the more confused I get.

I know alcohol and drugs – can’t be to blame but can a temper? Can you lose your temper so quick and not realise what you’re doing? After – he’s sorry – almost straight away he regrets what he’s done. Sometimes he gets so upset with himself – Sometimes he cries.

Sometimes – it’s my fault – if I didn’t push him to his limit then he wouldn’t explode.

So my question is – can it not be abuse? Can it just a moment of anger? A moment of Rage? Or is this me hoping there’s another excuse for his behaviour?

[Lisa]

Hi Seaview21,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. There is no justfication for domestic abuse but I know it can be really hard to use that word and to hear that from someone else.

You mentioned his temper- there are lots of people who suffer from anger issues and they do not treat their partners in this way. you also mentioned that sometimes he blames you rather than taking responsbility. even if it looks like he is remorseful- it doesn’t sound like he is addressing this behaviour and then it happens again.

You should always feel safe with your partner and not made to feel like you have to walk on eggshells.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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