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    • #9519
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Im feeling so upset today I keep finding out more and more things about my ex and its making me feel more worthless and upset! The reason I put up with his horrible ways was because he made me believe he couldn’t control the way his head works and that it wasn’t how he wanted to be.. he made me feel like I was really special to him and loved me more than life wanted marriage for commitment which I did, wanted a baby to bring us closer so I got pregnant but then mis-carried but my point is I did everything I could to make him happy because I loved him and I believed he loved me more than he had ever loved anyone because that is what he told me along with wanting to be around me 24/7 because he loved me so much ! I ended it because it was making me ill his control/disrespect/manipulation took over my whole life it was toxic but it was also the hardest decision ive every made because i still love him but now i have found out that he has wanted to marry have a baby and control all his past relationships too, I don’t know why I feel so upset maybe its because I just realised I’m among a long line of women that have had the same treatment I wasn’t special I wasn’t loved like he told me I was I feel angry had to really stop myself last night making contact with him to tell him I know now about all his lies i feel such a mug that i allowed this man to mentally abuse me and ive never had the opportunity to voice properly how he made me feel because he did nothing but lie! I need advice im struggling today should i contact him to have my say or should i stay silent xx

    • #9534
      Winterblues2
      Participant

      Do not contact him, he won’t give you the answers you want and you’ll end up more frustrated and upset.

      Also it’ll show him that you are stronger Han he thinks x

    • #9535
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Thank you winterblues2 i am so up and down one minute i feel like crying and the next i feel angry i suppressed myself so much when i was with him its like my emotions are all over the place since being away from him xx

    • #9540
      godschild
      Participant

      Sparkle, Im feeling very emotional as well, I did post earlier but it hasn’t come on. My internal rage is terrible i feel in a real rage and feel I could go berserk, cant cope with my stress. Then crying , changing throughout the day. I ma still with him as I have agoraphobia and the slightest thing he says or does triggers such strong emotions in me. If you don’t have to have contact don’t , they just trigger mroe and more emotions in you. I think when you start to really realise what they have done to you it sets of all kinds of emotions off, grief, tear, anger
      Has anyone on here experienced the awful range inside that makes yo so tennse it causes pain in your muscles, i went and punched a cushion to try to releive it, a bit worries how strong my emotions are, buy i’m post menopausal as well and Ive ben reading you can have what is known as menopausal rages even if you have a loving caring husband , which i don’t. I felt like this 4 weeks ago then last week was calmer, my GP said a whilst ago you still get cycles without bleeding after ,menopausee. its like the very worst PMT, any advise or anyone else experinced such strong rage and anger welcome coupled with crying in despair. Where can you get DV councelling, my local WA are toatlly full not even putting you on list. My GP reffered me to community mental team and said they would come to see me due to agoraphobia , now had an appointment to go to them , can’t get there, then a local support charity for DV came to see me after last year saying I was out of their area, I checked and double checked that they wern’t this time and now today find out I am !!!!, im so stressed today and cant cope with all of the outside mess ups, they then suggested Relate to go with him, !!! < i would never sit in a room with him, done it before and he just lies, i thought good DV advise was never to go together, so left hanging in the air again, trying to get help so so so stressful and people seem so lax. Its hard to even pick up th phone sometimes, WA and Domestic 24 helpline have been great and my telephone support worker but im coming up against so much unecessary stress form others areas.Already feel an emotional wreck and stressed to the max more phone calls , more waiting for them to get back to me this has been going on for abot 10 weeks to get some help

    • #9547
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      I’m in the freedom programme programme I was referred by my local domestic abuse helpline I just start to feel better then something else happens and I’m a complete wreck again I feel so angry inside because I turned into a silent mouse throughout my relationship and now I’m out I feel broken I was such a bubbly confident girl when he met me and resent him for turning me into someone I don’t even recognise anymore 🙁 xx

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