annoying wake up call

[clearthemurkywaters]

I know this is only a small thing, but he annoys me so much, when all i want to do, for just a few minutes is stay in bed, or asleep, but if he’s up then he puts the light on, touches me, talks to me and completely ignores my request for peace, sometimes he even takes the covers off and forces me to get up, this happens not just when i have somewhere to be. i keep asking to be left alone, i will get up shortly, but my requests are ignored, i then argue that it shows a lack of respect for me, and if i keep having a go at him, it will usually end in him not talking to me for a bit. but i suppose it’s not really abuse, just messing about or lack of repect, i guess its hard (at least for me) to know where that line is drawn.

Anyway sorry about the rant, just had to get it out there

[KIP.]

‘Completely ignores my request for peace’ this is just part of the bigger picture of abuse. How they ignore our wishes and continue to do something they know we don’t like. I always ask myself if I would behave this way? No I wouldn’t. It just shows his deeper nature.

[Elephanttrunk]

How would he react if you done that?
My partner has no regard for my needs, and wil wake me up in the night by hitting me or shouting at me.
But if I wake him up by getting up for the toilet, or going to bed or getting up at the “wrong” time… He loses his temper.
Its about power isn’t it? He is denying you power over your own need to sleep, which is an essential human need.
How does no sleep affect you? Cause I know that am much less able to think clearly, or defend myself. Or consider walking away from him.
I think they know that

[HopeLifeJoy]

Exactly you’re spot on Elephanttrunk, it is about his power over our needs.

By depriving us from our essential needs we can’t progress to the next level of needs and indeed keeping us locked into dependent abusive relationship. They know exactly what they are doing, abusers are always targeting one of our needs. Even if it would be an abusive manager at work, they would target our needs for respect, status and recognition for example.

Here is the Maslow hierarchy of needs (it would be easier to just paste the graphic but I don’t think it is possible, you can search for it though);
• Physiological needs such as air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction
• Safety needs; personal security, employment, resources, health, property
• Love and Belonging; friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection
• Esteem; respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, strength, freedom
• Self-actualisation; desire to become the most of what can be

[Anonymous]

My husband wakes me up too and I have a baby who doesn’t wake me up as often as him! He wakes me up for sex all the time and I have started wearing pyjamas and he sticks his hands down there. I normally just let him because he is a nightmare to live with if I don’t.

We have a right to sleep and I have tried pretending to be asleep when he comes in from work at midnight but no he just wakes me up.

It’s power and control with these so called men.

[Iwantmeback]

Oh mg I so hated the hands crawling. Then you either gave in or they’d be in the huff for days. Hard as it is to hear, this is sexual abuse. These men don’t like being told no, they have to do whatever they can to get us to change our minds. Our feelings, needs and wants do not matter. Once that starts to happen in a relationship it’s no wonder we no longer want to have sex with them. To retrain these men, well for me it isn’t an option. I sometimes feel I’d have to be like Flo from the Andy cap cartoons, going about with a rolling pin to keep me erring husband in check. Sorry to me there’s as bad as his behaviour was/is and I’m not prepared to be that type of person.
💞💞

[hop]

It’s hard to accept, well I find it is, that this is abuse but it is. You should have rights over whether you’re allowed to sleep, or not. I hope you’re ok. I don’t know what else to say, sorry xx

[Author]

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