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    • #25795
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      For some reason last night was awful I had the most vivid of dreams. To the point when I woke in the night I could feel him smell him hear him. I feel so ashamed to admit this bug they were so vivid so real that even at my age I wet the bed. I am so embarrassed I can’t carry on like this,I’m exhausted I can’t do it any more 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    • #25802
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi I can’t really advise you but wanted you to know you’re not alone πŸ’• Do you have a councillor? Everything you’re feeling is normal. Trauma has a devastating long term effect on our minds. Take it one day at a time.

    • #25814
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      I have just started seeing one. But I am so embarrassed about wetting the bed.😭😭. My nightmares where just so real.

    • #25818
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have suffered major trauma, it’s a natural human reaction when you think your life is at risk. Also starting therapy will be bringing a lot of that trauma back, you need to go through it to be able to heal but in the meantime you’re going to feel terrible. Try & hold on to none of this is your fault. You didn’t choose to be abused, they are so very clever at messing our heads up. It takes a long time to get back to the person we were before they destroyed us. I’m starting this journey myself & it’s very scary. Take it one day at a time & if you’re really struggling reach out on here or ring the helpline, it might take a while to get though but they’re so lovely. Sometime all you need to pull you back from the edge is an understanding ear πŸ’•

    • #25832
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Inneedofsomepeace,

      You are doing brilliantly. Please do not feel embarrassed. You are not alone in your feelings and fears and we are all here for you. Dreams can be very vivid and overwhelming sometimes. Please know you can phone the helpline any time you need to talk and keep getting plenty of support from your local Women’s Aid group.

      We are all here for you.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #25848
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Thinking of you Inneedofsomepeace, you have nothing to feel ashamed of. It clearly shows the level of fear you did, and still do, experience. I’ve been where you are suffering nightmares and flashbacks. The counselling may well be bringing memories to the surface, but stick with it. I still see my counsellor but things are so much better. My childhood flashbacks have stopped altogether and I have very occasional nightmares about my ex. Things won’t always feel this way. It’s tough going but worth it. Sending hugs and I hope you have a better night tonight xx

    • #25857
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      Thank you. It is all so hard. I know next time I go to counselling I need to open up tell her exactly what is happening,it’s all so embarrassing though I feel ashamed. I am also struggling to build a relationship with her. I know it’s in my ear I know he’s not here not really raping me but they’re so vivid and frightening

    • #25882
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      You need to give yourself time. You have suffered horrendous trauma. Opening up to a stranger about it isn’t easy, don’t you see how strong you are? We do, you’re so brave πŸ‘πŸ» it is going to take a long time for you to recover but the therapy is the best thing you can be doing to heal. Do you have a support worker? Have you had any contact with your local DV support? You have nothing to be ashamed of, we’re all here because we need support & this forum has been my lifeline. I hope you slept better last night? Xx

    • #25885
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      Thank you moggie. I spent quite sometime living in relation
      Fuge when I left. It’s only the last few months we’ve moved into our new home. I have an outreach worker who is going to the Dr’s with me at my next appointment to try and push them into giving me some specialist ptsd help at the moment they just keep increasing my medication.

    • #25886
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hmmm that’s typical of a doctor……more drugs instead of helping you deal with the trauma! I’m glad you have a support worker. I think it has to get worse before it gets better. The therapy will make everything so raw, when all you want to do is block it from your mind. Take it from someone who suffered childhood abuse & never dealt with it…….blocking it out doesn’t work long term. I am going to start therapy soon & know that I will have to deal with my childhood trauma to be able to get better. I do think a specialist in ptsd is the way to go. Just remember that none of this is your fault. Also don’t forget how far you’ve come…..you’re a lot stronger than you think πŸ’•Xx

    • #25906
      Tuppance
      Participant

      I just wanted to send you a hug – I was so sad to read your post. Please don’t feel ashamed – I think it is perfectly natural, considering what you must have been through. It’s your body’s way of dealing with it – as you learn to let go or deal with your experiences your body will adjust and find peace. X*x

    • #25917
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      Tonight’s another night I guess. I just need to keep reminding myself that no matter how vivid my dreams and flashbacks are he isn’t actually here and he can’t hurt me anymore can’t hit me can’t strangle me and can’t rape me. Maybe if I tell myself enough my head will realise it

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