Another incident and down playing it.

[LookingForAnswers]

Hi all,

Does/did anyone wish that there partner was physical so it would be easier to prove to every one what was going on? Something I could take pictures of to show police and even myself so if I feel weak I can show myself why I’m doing this.
It’s so easy to down play what they do. Even looking over something I wrote 6 months ago I’m think ‘am I sure that’s how it really happened, maybe I was just angry and not looking at it from his point if view.’

We were in the car the other day going to met up with some of my cousins. Our three kids, he was driving and we had a disagreement about directions. He started shouting that it’s all my fault, I always blame him, make him out to be the bad guy. I never take any responsibility. That I’m c**p at given directions (a couple of times when neither of us knew the way, some directions where a little close, but always before the sat-nav. Basically I’m there the look at the sat-nav map and tell him what’s coming up)
He started to say that next junction he is coming off and going back. My response was, that’s fine, once home I’ll take them myself. (I was expecting him to say I couldn’t use the car, but he didnt)
Then because I wasn’t ‘giving in’ he said he would drive the car into the van in front, and started to get faster. I shouted ‘with the kids in the back, really?’ he than broke quite sharply for a split second to make everyone jolt forward.
That marking he had already had the hump because there was a last min change of location, and was saying his not going (his favourite ‘trick’ to get what he wants).

Even a day or so later I’m already dismissing it, thinking its not as bad as I think. Maybe I should of done something else, not argued back.

I have told my gp what is going on, and how it’s affecting my mental health. She was happy I had contacted women’s aid and she has referred me for counselling. I have a telephone appointment in a couple of weeks time for a quick check up and see if I want to go down the antidepressant route. She was the first person I told face to face and I nearly backed out.

I’m hardly eating (I normally over eat when feeling like this) and finding it hard to talk/have a conversation, or be in noisy places.

I’m not sure what this post is really about other than a random moan.

[LookingForAnswers]

And another thing he does is gets angry that I don’t ask how he is or how his day going or if his sick check in on him. But when I don’t then it’s not good enough, I’m not sincere enough. I’m only doing it because I ‘have to’.
is this part of the emotional abuse?

[KIP.]

So sorry to read your post. Driving fast to scare us is a typical abuser tactic. As is constantly changing the goal posts. Google Gaslighting. Blaming us for everything puts the focus on us and off their behaviour. Read Living With The Dominator by Pat Craven. Also read other posts on here for validation. Abuse always gets worse and he is making you mentally ill which is what happened to me. None of this is your fault. No change in your behaviour will stop him abusing. He will simply make something up to abuse you over x

[Dropintheocean]

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this, I was in a very similar situation and I used to convince myself that it wasn’t that bad or that I had made it worse by arguing back. The truth was no matter what I did he continued to behave like that. And when he stopped getting the argument from it he got worse until he became physical. I suffered this in silence for several years. The only thing I would say is be careful and look after yourself and your children. From my experience men like this don’t change and often tend to get worse. I finally left the relationship last week… and even in that short space of time I have noticed a massive change in myself and my kids. Things can get better. Talk to women’s aid and see what advice and help they can give you. You can never have too much support in situations like these. Like I said earlier look after yourself x*x

[LookingForAnswers]

the driving fast isn’t a new thing, when I gets angry with myself or another driver he can get aggressive with his driving style. but this is the first time he said anything about driving into something.
I think he knows something is going on. not me contacting Women’s Aid, or anything like that. but I think he can see that I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. he will never think anything he is doing is abuse. its ‘just the way he is’, he ‘speaks what’s on his mind’, ‘if people don’t like it, tough’. everything is someone else’s fault.

we have talked about it. after a bad augment we spent a day talking about it. and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him I wanted to end the relationship. I just kept thinking, how would I cope? what would I do? what about the kids? what about the house?

(Detail removed by moderator).

I’m waiting to here back from a support worker from WA. they said it would be 2-4 weeks and its been 3, so hoping any time soon. I think reading over what I just wrote I really need to talk to some one face to face. I keep jumping here there and everywhere. and going around in circles. thank you for reading this far!!!

I will search into that book. and work out a way of getting it delivered without him knowing. I have googled a few things when I can. I have worked out benefits I will be entitled to if I move into a rented place or stay in our home, if I keep working for stop. I just need to talk to a solicitor about wither I have to sell the house, or can I make him move out. how a divorce works. so many questions.

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