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Kids due with dad (detail removed by moderator) (supervised access). Turn up on time and no ones there. Call them and the excuses about misunderstanding agreed time blah blah, I don’t get sucked in but say fine we here and we will wait it’s ok.
Hal hour later the grandparents Turn up who supervise but no dad to be seen. They state they still want their full time (per court order) which i agreed even though they late. They then hint at wanting more time than what’s stated and I reiterated it’s this amount of time from now.
The dad then shouts “(detail removed by moderator)” as they walk off with the kids.
I respond no it’s this set time, I’ve got other things on today and before I could explain, he turns around comes running at me with clenched fits and screams in my face “(detail removed by moderator)!!!”
Could believe it. I instantly felt no I’m not having my kids around that and asked them to get back in my car, the eldest did but they tried to usher the youngest away from me and then blocked me from getting him. Followed me to my car and refused to step away from it. Gosh I was so upset and yes I did report it! Not that anything will be done.I think back like, wait I was on time, I waited and didn’t leave, dads one not turned up at all & yet they’re angry at me?!
I really don’t see how this contact is safe for me or kids, both men (clearly like father like son) aren’t good for my kids. Feel worried about future contact and ongoing and never ending issues! -
This sounds a dreadful situation for everyone. If there’s a court order in place I’d go back and challenge his supervised access and he can’t even be bothered turning up for his own kids. That kind of aggression in front of the children is simply not acceptable. Keep a detailed journal of all contact and the times they’re late etc. Meantime, if they must go to them, is there a third party that can do handover or can you say that you feel unsafe and want to do the handover at a police station? Where there is cctv. You could also add that if this behaviour is repeated you will go back to court and ask that supervised contact be withdrawn. I’m sure it triggered lots of emotions so take a day or two to think about things. How you want things to be going forward. You absolutely do not have to accept his kind of behaviour.
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When I’m forced to engage with them and forced to hand my kids over it opens up the windows to this grief. I can’t escape it because I have to stick to the child arrangements.
(detail removed by moderator)
My heads mashed, I’ve gone over the incident 100 times in my head all night that interrupts my sleep . I dont want to but my brain just repeats and I dunno some sort of coping mechanism I guess.
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Would it be possible for a third party to go with you to the hand overs? That way it won’t be their words against yours, there’d be a witness, and they may just think twice before threatening you again. My ex sometimes set me up by saying that his mother and sister would cover for him and make statements to the Police about me and then it would be 3 against 1 so I understand how you feel – trapped. If someone could go with you, it would no longer be them versus you. It’s not at all ok by any standards how they were behaving – and in front of the children no less so indeed keep detailed records about this despicable behaviour and hopefully the court will see sense x
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given this has happened id contact your solicitor and say your contacting a contact centre about contact. although for me the contact centre was advised by the court it was only for in the beginning. i pushed on with it because i new he would involve his whole family to abuse me. it is your right not to be subjected to this. in hind sight maybe you should not have the grandparents involved they actually have no rights. he is the one the court order is for. the fact hes cancelling is grounds to take this back to court and stop the contact its bad for the kids to be let down and have inconsistency like this plus witnessing you being abused xxxx its very detrimental for you and the kids x id go back to your solicitor with this maybe with womens aid with you be adament.
my ex brought his mum and dad and my eldest daughter to the contact centre for supervised contact and the staff sent them away barr him. the contact centre wont allow this to happen xx
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It seems the person appointed as ‘supervisor’ is actually another abuser!
I’d consider you justified in refusing to subject your children to this again. It must have been terrifying hearing the shouting, seeing their mother intimidated, bring herded and separated like prey.
Did you report the incident to the police? I do hope so. It’s not too late. Some urgent phoning on Monday morning might quickly put you in a safer position where you don’t have to hand your precious children over into danger.
Others can advise better than I who to call, but the police would come first for me: 101 initially; 999 if anyone turns up or starts kicking off at the next handover, if there ever is one.
Do you know how to record sound on your phone while it’s in your pocket, darling?
Flower x
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I had the incident on record, not that they knew so don’t worry I’ve got the proof.
I did also inform the police.
I don’t doubt they will plan to twist it but when they realise it was recorded!
I didnt want them doing the supervising and (court detail removed by moderator)
I don’t have a solicitor, just me! Why I’m failing to be heard i think.
I don’t feel they should have to go back and arrangements be changed but when just me I’ve no clue what to do or how. I’m at a loss! -
first place to start if you go back and are representing yourself know your rights. they have to listen so your human right is set down as (some relevant some not)
Article 3, the first cornerstone of the Declaration, proclaims the right to life, liberty and security of person -a
right essential to the enjoyment of all other rights. This article introduces articles 4 to 21, in which other civil
and political rights are set out, including: freedom from slavery and servitude; freedom from torture and
cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment; the right to recognition everywhere as a person
before the law; the right to an effective judicial remedy; freedom from arbitrary arrest, detention or exile;
the right to a fair trial and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal; the right to be presumed
innocent until proved guilty; freedom from arbitrary interference with privacy, family, home or
correspondence; freedom of movement and residence; the right of asylum; the right to a nationality; the
right to marry and to found a family; the right to own property; freedom of thought, conscience and
religion; freedom of opinion and expression; the right to peaceful assembly and association;womens aid recomend using practice direction 12 j which is for contact involving dv xx
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i got to thinking – so if hes represented and your not – you can ride off the back off his solicitor so he pays! my ex actually did this to me and i payed lol xx so you could write to let his solicitor know what happened as above and say your not willing to go on like this for the sake of the children. you need a buffer (contact centre) and you will arrange it i think its a small initial fee. once you have that in place the grandparents cant be part off this only him. so on the other hand he might threaten court but as long as you book the centre go on time and have the kids presented for contact your sticking to the order (i know this from experience) so if he threatens court be adament contact has to be buffered because off his ongoing behaviour xx so he pays for court – the more emails you send he has to respond or he looks like hes not being reasonable! the more he has to spend too and you have him over a barrel because he knows court wont be happy hes not showing up – it makes his intentions very clear hes using con tact to further bully you – which again is bad for the kids xxxx hope this makes sense!
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not sure if this helps for court but its worth knowing how much these centres offer there a really good page the NACCC – im sure the courts should at least consider this for you to be free from all off this xx
NACCC National Standards 2015
49
Domestic Abuse & Coercion Policy TEMPLATE
(Updated May 2017)
……………………………………… Child Contact Centre believes that everyone has the right to live
safely and without the fear of violence and abuse. We recognise that domestic violence is
unacceptable and that it occurs throughout society, irrespective of class, culture, gender, income,
race, religion or sexuality. Its effects are far-reaching and can impact on others, notably the
children. We recognise that every child has the right to grow and develop in an environment free of
domestic violence, whether directly as a victim or witness of violence in its own home or in the
community.
……………………………………………Child Contact Centre accepts that some families using its
Centre will have experienced varying levels of domestic violence and we will ensure that they will
receive sensitive and appropriate services. We also accept that the Centre needs to be organised
and run in a way which allows these families, other Centre users and volunteers / staff to be safe.
In order to meet these requirements we will ensure that:
1. The Centre’s referral form will ask if domestic violence is a feature of the case, currently and/or
historically.
2. No family will be accepted until a referral form has been completed in full and received by the
Co-ordinator.
3. Any information concerning domestic violence will be treated seriously.
4. Use of the Centre will be denied to individuals or families where the co-ordinator feels their
presence is likely to present a threat to the well-being of other Centre users and volunteers /
staff. We will use the NACCC Supervised –v- Supported Checklist in helping us make
decisions about which cases are acceptable in a supported centre.
5. Once a family has been accepted the co-ordinator will consider their safety needs and develop
a plan by which they can be met. These will include the following:
• Parents being invited to visit the Centre separately in advance of contact commencing.
• Parents being given clear instructions in writing about which entrances to use and what
times to arrive.
• Where appropriate resident parents being asked to explore the possibility of someone
other than themselves or their new partner bringing the child(ren) to the Centre.
• The contact waiting room doors being kept closed and precautions taken to ensure
parents do not visit the refreshment area or toilets at the same time.
• Asking one parent to wait at the end of contact until the other has left the Centre and the
area immediately around it.
• Ensuring that addresses, telephone numbers and other sensitive information always
remain strictly confidential.
6. Any distress to children or adults brought about by bullying or pressure to disclose information
will be dealt with promptly and firmly.
7. If an individual or family’s behaviour is threatening, causes distress or is disruptive they will be
asked to leave.
8. If an individual or family refuses to leave the police will be called. -
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