Another newbie

[wheredoibegin]

Hi everyone, I think I am in a pretty similar situation to everyone here, basically after the past year of an absolute nightmare with my husband, I finally rang the police, and he is currently waiting for his (detail removed by moderator) date next month, part of his conditions are not to contact me, and at first this was ok, then slowly, I got a text saying sorry, then a few days later another saying it again and its now got to the stage where he constantly texting saying how awful It is at his mums, he will change etc, even that without me he will kill himself, it to much and obviously makes me feel really sorry for him, which I know rationally is what hes trying to do, I am just sick of the guilt trip and told him we can talk about us, after the (detail removed by moderator), but until then I don’t know what will happen. I was just wondering if any of you have been through a similar thing and if this guilt trip is ”common” in situations like this? Thanks for listening

[KIP.]

Yes, I’ve been through the same. Please report his contact to the police. He has breached his bail conditions and will continue to do so. Then his solicitor can use this as part of his defence. They are nasty manipulators. It’s all part of the control that comes with abuse. The FOG. The Fear Obligation and Guilt. you have nothing to feel guilty about. He won’t even respect the court order. He will never respect your wishes. He’s now playing the victim. Mine did the same. Poor me. It’s all about his feeling and his welfare. He is trying to hook you back in. The suicide threat is also very common. Don’t believe him. Most suicides don’t mention it first. hold him accountable for breaching bail and assaulting you.

[wheredoibegin]

Thank you for replying, your right, I told him repeatedly to leave me alone and let me have some peace, today I had texts saying he wants see the kids, I said well it got to go through social services then I get texts saying I’m setting him up, again I said stop and then he just sent me a wedding photo!!! If I meant that much surely he would leave me alone for a while, I get he misses children but they need this period of calm. Thanks for replying.

[KIP.]

Hey there. You need to be really really careful. You need to show social services that you are putting your kids safety and well being first. Allowing a breach of bail and contact doesn’t look good. They understand how manipulating abusers can be but I would be totally honest with them too. Don’t let him tell them first. These men have no empathy at all. My ex even had me detained by the police when I wouldn’t give him what he wanted. He lied to them and I was detained. They quickly realised what was going on but my advice would be to report the breach of bail to the police and also to social services. Get social service to support your no contact until you have had a chance for the FOG of abuse to clear. You may not realise it but you are still very very vulnerable to him x

[wheredoibegin]

Thank you for listening. I have said he can’t see them and am following social services and want no more texts now!! I will ask them to set up supervised access and let them help me do this. It only when u take a step back and think this isn’t right that I start seeing what he’s doing. Its amazing how twisted some ppl can be to someone they claim to love

[Serenity]

Keep on reminding yourself that it’s a tactic- not a pure expression if his feelings.

Everything they do is carefully calculated and meant to bring you under their dominance.

It’s a continuation of his abuse- just a new tactic.

Hugs x

[wheredoibegin]

Thank you, I am definetly starting to see what he’s doing! I just can’t believe how easy I get sucked in, but I can feel it. Like when he didn’t contact me I felt great, literally like I had lost all this baggage. Then as soon as the texts start it slowly draining me, I am now having trouble sleeping and I look like c**p!! Lol. I am going have be strong and stop replying. Its took me so long get to this stage I can’t let myself down now!!! Thank u everyone for listening. I have a feeling this is really going help!!

[tinkerbellgirl]

This is all part of his plan to get away with what he has done. My ex was exactly the same. Please report his breach of bail to the police. It will help you when it comes to court! He has been told not to contact you and still is. He is still trying to control you! Don’t give in. You are strong than you believe and can do this. You have done the hardest thing by getting out and reporting. You can sure do the rest 🙂 good luck x*x

[wheredoibegin]

Aww thank u, its definetly given me a boost today! I just find it so shocking that this is so common that I’m sat here feeling so sorry for all his lies when he’s saying the exact same things other ppls ex’s r saying! Luckily after I gave him a big rant of text me again and I am reporting u, the messages have stopped.

[KIP.]

Keep that final text. If he anything like my ex that won’t be enough. You can also show it to police and s services if need be. These men are pathalogical liars. Don’t be surprised if he accuses you of something in return. Mine did. Stay alert and never underestimate them x

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