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    • #105247
      Butterfly3
      Participant

      How does everyone cope with the constant anxiety and walking on eggshells? You know when they’re in a certain mood, silent treatment and they pull certain faces/act a certain way and you just know someone is going to erupt soon. I feel physically sick, anxious to the point I have to slow my breathing down and like I’m on the verge of tears or a panic attack. How do you cope when it’s this way? I’m absolutely desperate to get out but I have to wait a bit longer so how do I cope like this? It feels so unbearable.

    • #105251
      Chestnut
      Participant

      I totally feel for you, it is a horrible feeling. The look and the silent treatment used to send me into total anxiety mode, I had no idea what I was being punished for or how long the silent treatment would last. Totally agonising! I admit I really didn’t cope with it for s long time. I tried asking what was wrong, asking if I had done anything wrong, if something had happened I didn’t know about, giving him space and coming back later. Nothing really helped I would always end up in tears on my own. After years of this and after reading things on here a few months ago it actually dawned on me what was really happening. There was a huge outburst in response to a non existing argument I got silent treatment, hysterical tears, silent treatment and then he acted like nothing happened but for the first time I felt able to detach myself from it and I felt I was just watching a total act, a display of totally bizarre behaviour. I can’t really explain it, it was horrible and upsetting but also really eye opening as it was the first time I didn’t feel physically sick . I still felt anxious as we were away and I felt isolated but honestly just removing yourself for a moment if you can and just really watch what is happening. Sorry I don’t know if that helps as I think it takes a while to do this, but nearly imagine you are sitting at the cinema or looking through a window with you aren’t actually engaged in it you are little bit detached, it might help a bit in seeing the silent treatment for what it is. Hope it gets better soon. It really is horrible and I used to feel so punished x

    • #105253
      Hope123
      Participant

      Try focussing on the future and that one day you’ll have peace and be away from this.

      Write down how you feel so you don’t forget how bad the anxiety is in the future.

      Take care x

    • #105275
      Butterfly3
      Participant

      That’s exactly what it is, he’s punishing me but again I dont really know what for. Its always over nothing and if I try to explain how it doesn’t warrant his behaviour he will decide there is another reason he is not himself. His favourite is to say I haven’t touched him in weeks. I try so hard to keep busy and stay out of his way but inevitably I will have to be in a room with him and then I’m scared things will blow up

    • #105290
      Chestnut
      Participant

      I don’t know if your oh is violent or not, if so aware you have a safety issue here if you need to be in the same room. I don’t have the knowledge to guide you on that def some specialist advice would be needed or maybe someone else on here.If no violence, as in my case, I think what I was trying was pretty much grey stoning but I was at a point where I could start to emotionally detach, this didn’t get rid of the anxiety but I did feel a bit more in control. He is playing an emotional tango with you, if you can be emotionally detached at all then there is limited tango he can do. This wasn’t ignoring him though as that would have heightened things I was nearly playing along but was aware of what he was trying to do. It was very uncomfortable to do but it did help in my case, but it may not be right for you. We have separated but are still stuck in the same house so I am doing this everyday, it does get easier though! Once I was able to detach emotionally a little, I felt more in controls, but he seemed none the wiser, although (detail removed by moderator) he went “I don’t trust you” and I calmly said (detail removed by moderator), it oddly did not explode which is what I thought would happen. This though has taken me a very long time to get to this point. As others said do write down what has happened as it is a good reminder of what has gone as you may well question yourself when things are “good”again (which will likely happen. Try and make contact with any support you have. I found reaching out even if I didn’t feel able to say what was happening kept me going. Sorry not sure if helps x

       

       

       

    • #105291
      Chestnut
      Participant

      Also you may never work out exactly what he is attempting to punish you for, but ultimately it all comes down to the same thing. He is trying to make you feel bad,scared and guilty for something to mold you,control you in some way. This just reaffirms why this is not good and why you are planning to leave x

    • #105616
      Lotuslight36
      Participant

      Hi

      Sorry to hear all this
      When I feel anxious breathe , do stuff make u happy listen to calm music write a journal of all stuff he says n does all this helps me and reading is brill good self help books, real life stories, simple things have the strongest effect
      Go for walk outdoors keep active fit eat extra healthy as these bullies want to take away Ur peace n sanity harmony n we have to be 2 steps ahead and raise your personal standards higher And protect Ur boundary and limitations all this I find helps me alot n I feel amazing when deal with anxiety uncomfortable feelings but I have been doing Bollywood dancing n keep fit at home Zumba dvd it’s brilliant 💜 👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌🥰🥰🥰🥰 dance 💃💃💃💃

      Keep moving stay active just move don’t stay stuck in a rut there is more to life than their pathetic egos, pride,
      Don’t give them too much of Ur energy and iv learnt a magic mantra IGNORE and have ear phones in with positive affirmations and watch positive self development videos lots on u tube 👌👌🙈

      Hope this helps
      .good luck

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