- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Trying to keep a lid on it but woke up at five feeling panicked again. Like in the edge of something awful. Self critucal thoughts keep going through my head. Feel like I’m not being a good enough mother. Nice sunny day but my teenage sons are too tired from a sleepover to do anything. So I feel like I’m failing letting them sit about all day. I see other families, their kids dads playing with their kids, laughing and joking and feel terrible for my kids that they don’t have that. I’ve arranged my daughter to have a friend here for a sleepover so she has something to look forward to, she’s really excited. We are going to make smoothie mocktails and watch a movie. When I collected my boys today they both out of the blue told me they loved me and they couldn’t wait to be home. Making them lunch just now. Feel this horrible sense that I’m just bad though. Bad at being a person, a friend, a mother, a daughter. Still deeply hurting from the horrible things said about me at mediation (detail removed by moderator) that I couldn’t defend properly. Woke up feeling like they all need protected from me, that I’m not safe somehow to be around. It’s a horrible frightening feeling that I haven’t had in a long time now. I thought I was doing better but I’m not really coping with how I’m being treated. I know it shouldn’t matter and I should be able to ignore it but it’s just been a massive trigger. I’ve lost any hope of having a mother and gained an enemy in her who has known how to break me since I was little. My ex is making life unbearable and they’ve teamed up, whilst telling me I’m the problem. Because I asked which days he would take parental responsibility for his children? Not helping that I’m premenstrual I know. Feeling on the brink of tears, pushing it down inside all the time and like there’s more of my life going by with me being a mess. I don’t know how to fix me. I don’t know how I got so broken that I’m the “crux of everyone’s misery”. X
-
Hey, slow down. Take a deep breath. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you apart from being victimised by two abusers. You are a great mum. I’ve been where you are and I put so much pressure on myself to try to make up for my husbands behaviour by obsessing over my son. You’re caught in trauma again. Self esteem, confidence, not thinking straight. Five o’clock frights again. I know you think you can achieve something by mediation but ask yourself if it’s worth being in the same room as your abuser? All the triggers that come with that. The brain chatter. Trying to make sense of what he said, why he said it, was it true etc. Any contact with an abuser is toxic toxic toxic and now you are paying for the contact you had. A simple letter from him detailing when he will be looking after his children will suffice but if he does this then he loses the control he thinks he has. How ridiculous to refuse to take his own children unless you are working. Can you imagine if the rolls were reversed!
You’ve tried mediation. If he doesn’t come up with dates he will take the children then you can’t force him. I would let the mediator deal with him. All you want from him is a list of dates that he will look after his own children. Not much to ask. -
Thank you Kip,
I just feel alone just now. I don’t want to bother friends with another drama. I just want to be me again. I just don’t have energy for normal interaction with people just now. I just need to get me back. I want to be more than what is being done to me and I can’t seem to break out of it. I’ve pm about what happened after mediation. Thank you x*x -
Escapednotfree,
I have been given the following advice from my counsellor about coping with panic and anxiety. It can be helpful to take deep breaths, in for 4 seconds and out for 4 seconds – your lower abdomen needs to go out with each inhale. These breaths will calm you. You also need to centre yourself in the room that you are in now, step away from the cycle of negative thoughts and say some nice things to yourself or do something creative to focus your mind.
Weekends can be tricky as we have time to stop and think. The emotional part of your brain can take over- but if you focus on logic rather than emotion. You are doing a fantastic job as a mother and you never deserved to be abused. It was not your choice. Your hormones may be making things seem more bleak. Be kind to yourself, paint your nails and focus on you and how wonderful you are to still be such a loving parent, despite how hard others have made it for you Xxxxx -
Alice that is really kind of you. Thank you. I’m getting through the day. Just. you are right about weekends, if I don’t have a schedule of things going on. Or even if I do sometimes. Migraine in the background all day. I’ll try the breathing thing. Im just so sore all over just now. I had (detail removed by moderator) and when things get really bad I can feel unwell again. Not something I can afford to do working full time with children. I’m thankful for the nice weather and my little girl outside playing and laughing with her friend. You are right though, I need to get my head in a better place. Kips right it’s because I’ve been in contact. I’ve had to sit in a room and let myself be bathed in his toxicity. Then come out with just myself to care for me. I’ll get there I’m sure. Because if I don’t I can’t contemplate an alternative. It’s too dark. X
-
ENF morning and hugs. Sorry that you’ve been having a stressful time. These anxieties are caused as you know by the contact and then the thought process that follow.
Be kind to yourself, your doing a great job…wish I could join in the DVD and fun. Give yourself a pat on the back for keeping all your lovely family and yourself together. Life is tough enough.People keep telling me like Kip says…to slow down…remember we are conditioned to be anxious! They have put us in this place, questioning, fretting worrying panicking usually about their ‘issues’ which ammount to nothing.
Slowly slowly we are coming out of this, like being mentally kidnapped…our self will pull through.
I read this morning a quote
“Those who know me never doubt me, those who doubt me never knew me”
Chin up …keep doing what your doing.A GREAT job
Cx
-
-
-
Unfortunately my mum isn’t so much wise as very controlling. As soon as I asked her to allow me to make decisions about my life myself she turned on me dramatically. Always walked on eggshells around her. Not an easy childhood and at times unbearable adolescence. I then asked her to stop talking about my mental state to my children and not undermine me with them. It got worse. She’s now after condemning him, in cahoots with my ex. (Detail removed by moderator). They weren’t nasty, they were respectful. But that’s how he and my mother interpret any request to be treated respectfully. I have no right to that because I’m sauce a bad person and such a mess. X
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
