23rd April 2016 at 10:11 am #15026I want to break freeParticipant
My daughter has been diagnosed by the doctor as suffering from anxiety. Her symptoms started when she started having unsupervised contact with her Father. Cahms say its situational so they can’t treat her.
Social Services are looking in to it but since contact was ordered by the court its quite hard to get it changed.
All of this is because CAFCAS advised that her anxiety was generalised (instead of her being afraid of her Father because of what she witnessed of his abusive behaviour) and so the best course of action is to “throw her in the deep end”.
I feel I have to make the best of it as if I returned it to court at this stage they would say its just teething troubles and I need to give it more time.
Any advice please? How can I look after my childs mental health and sooth her anxiety to cope with the next few weeks? At what point do I say enough is enough and return it to court ? I am speaking with a solicitor but he says its too early. I just feel between a rock and a hard place, watching her suffer and being able to do nothing to stop it. added to which he is playing stupid mental games with me via her which I know is adding to her anxiety. However they are trivial to me and to anyone else if I explained them but not trivial to a child.
23rd April 2016 at 1:36 pm #15056AyannaParticipant
If she refuses to go to her father and tells social services that she does not want to see her father herself, and she tells the GP that she does not want to see her father, then the court must listen to her. Even a child cannot be forced if she does not want to. She has to clearly verbalize this.
If they still force her then we have an example of the reintroduction of slavery, which is against the constitution.
23rd April 2016 at 5:29 pm #15081SerenityParticipant
I am in the same predicament.
My eldest threatened to hang himself in the garden after his dad made him watch an upsetting film, and my youngest gouged his tooth out with a bread knife, both directly after seeing their dad.
Cafcass know about this, and minimised it.
And I was told by my GP to keep calm, as if I appear uncontrolled, I could lose my kids, as one of her other patients had! We need ( unfortunately ) to play the game. Keep calm, log everything.
My eldest son- thank goodness- was deemed old enough to choose, and ( suprise, suprise ) rarely sees his dad.
My youngest was ‘ordered’ to have contact.
His dad is trying his best to appear the perfect dad at the moment, but I know, I just know, it won’t last. All that it takes is for him to assert some independence, and his dad will punish him with abuse.
I miss my son son so much when he isn’t here, and the weekends that he is here, he invariably wants to catch up with friends, homework, etc. My ex is trying to put him off goung out with me, too.
But this us the cross I need to bear: because his dad is so dictatorial when my son is with him, and forces him to do what he wants all the time, miles from anyone, my son needs to do normal things when he is here with me. That is, see his friends and follow his interests. My ex is trying to make my youngest a clone of him: I am allowing him to find himself.
That’s ok. I have a fear of being a controlling parent.
My priority is to make him independent, so he can eventually stand up to his dad.
Thankfully, I have baby nieces to pour my mothering skills onto!
Seriously, please log every tiny thing with dates. If it gets worse, you will need this to refer back to.
The NSPCC helpline were an amazing source of support and wisdom for me xxxx
25th April 2016 at 9:27 am #15218SuntreeParticipant
My heart breaks for you and your daughter. I don’t know what age your daughter is. Mine were younger to start off with so I could use their imagination to help them project themselves into a little world. ie the dust they saw floating around in the bedroom through the light, which frightened them, where the fairies keeping an eye out for them over night.
We had imaginary boxes full of hugs that we closed our eyes to feel and give. This helped a little bit.
Be stable, let her talk to you. I had to tell mine some hard truths about our wonderful SS and the courts and what would happen if they didn’t go. They didn’t have an option 🙁
Keep a diary and I would also be asking for a court date right now because of the amount of time it takes to get through.
I would be getting in writing the evidence from the GP and Cahms about her anxiety and showing the ruling is affecting your daughters health and as they need to put the child first this ruling isn’t.
You need that evidence in writing else it is back to your word against his.
You need to think of a away that would reduce her anxiety and let him have contact 🙁
I have also had the conversations about its okay to feel scared, you are not broken. The things he does is his choice.
Its so b****y hard.
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