Anxious

[orchid7]

Hi all. I am just constantly anxious all of the time recently. My chest is tight permanently and I am really on edge and stressed. It has been a while since I left and I have been hibernating and taking it slow a little. But now I am getting out into the real world a bit more I am experiencing terrible anxiety. It’s so overwhelming I feel self conscious, worried, scared and panicked that I’m not going to be able to cope with it all. Worried about life and my ability to just feel okay again. Dating again is difficult I feel so insecure and daunted by it all. My default when I get scared like this is to go back to my comfort zone with him. I don’t know how to cope with it. What is this I am feeling and why ? Feels like I have to rebuild myself from scratch x

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Orchid7

I am sorry, its so hard isn’t it, and you have been through so much, which is why you have been left feeling so anxious.

You don’t have to push yourself into dating whilst you are still feeling this way, be patient and kind to yourself, and take your time. There’s so much to process and heal from, and to be expected that it will take time.

Lots of resting and peace to help you feel secure again and build your self-reliance. It will take as long as it needs to start to feel better. Do all you can to enjoy whatever you can. Do you have friends you can share with that will help you take your steps when you are ready, without pushing you or adding to your anxiety?

If you have a good gp do share how you are feeling with them, and if you do not have this, find one who is a good fit for you, one that you can trust to support you through this.

Keep posting about things here too as things come up for you.
warmest wishes

ts

[orchid7]

Hi twisted sister thank you for your message. I am definitely going to take a step back it has just all happened so quick and I really wasn’t ready for it and I now can’t undo time and I regret what has happened. And now I am just panicking because I was intimate with someone and I feel so so ashamed. I am going to take small steps now but I feel like I have ruined it all anyway by what has happened and now I can’t change it
🙁 Ahhh…. and I don’t know how to get out of it with all of these negative emotions. I have a counsellor but I am too ashamed to even speak about it xx I do have some friends that I could open up to xx

[Twisted Sister]

I wonder if you need to feel ashamed about having been intimate with someone? It may have given you a bit of a shock that, with a few drinks, you’ve been ‘encouraged’ into doing things you weren’t comfortable with? If so, then this person has crossed a boundary in maybe applying some drink and pressure to make you more receptive to intimacy?

Again, only do/share what you feel comfortable with, as these are your boundaries, set them in advance and know what your line is so you stick to it. Its important after abuse to recognise what your boundaries are and to know its absolutely the right thing for you to stick to them, even if it makes someone else unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I understand your feelings perfectly orchid, life has changed for us now it seems more like a scary jungle and your hyper vigilance is probably through the roof! (I remember what that was like) take it slowly, no pushing yourself too far too soon (have a google of self care after abuse) and as for the dating if your not ready your not ready? no pushing yourself with that one either, your perceptions of things have been altered due to what you’ve experienced, I wouldn’t advise getting into relationships yet also speak to your gp maybe they can offer something (though exercise meditation or yoga might be good) or maybe join a support group (if they’re doing them right now and you feel able) but small steps though 🧡💛🧡

[orchid7]

Hi Auriel yes I feel like a newborn baby out in the world it is a bit much. Thank you yes I definitely wasn’t ready for dating, or drinking! but how do I undo something that I have done 🙁 I regret it and wish I could go back and not do it! I feel so ashamed and it was such a drastic change from hiding away to doing something like that it has really shell shocked me and if I was thinking straight it wouldn’t have happened. It was very relaxed and then the drinking happened… Now I want to crawl under a rock. Urgh!!! Is it just accepting it has happened then going back to where I was before and starting again with no dating yet xx

[Anonymous]

Trauma bonds and ptsd, be on your own without anyone (unless they are supportive) if you’ve got family support let them be there for you (I don’t know if he’s damaged your friendships in any way most do) he’s obviously manipulated you a lot because you got dependant on him and they use that and our insecurities, have a people detox (if they are making you feel bad get them out, if they bring nothing to you or keep using you, again, get them out) find yourself again use the time to work on your self esteem and avoid really bad coping mechanism (I used to use different ones all the time) it keeps you in a cycle and people who take advantage will take advantage, you’ve learned some very ugly truths about people and now you can learn and be better prepared if one of them comes along again cos they’re everywhere (but so are nice people too) 💗🤗💗

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