9th June 2020 at 11:09 am #105641ByzantiumParticipant
I get really anxious talking to my partner because I get nervous about how he will react. He gets angry if he feels I haven’t done things or dealt with an issue the way he thinks I should.
I find I struggle with intimacy recently because he has put me down a lot and he gets frustrated that we are not intimate often. I do find him attractive but I feel tired and low a lot. If I talk to him about it he will say it’s his fault and make me feel bad when I know it’s me and they’re is something wrong with me.
I feel so overwhelmed by everything lately I don’t know what to do anymore or how to cope. He does deserve someone who can give him the intimacy he needs. I probably have been too sensitive about how he has spoken to me in the past and I should let it go. I think I have been holding back because I’m afraid I’ll be hurt or pushed away again and I don’t want to hurt him either. He has suggested I might be a lesbian which isn’t the case.
If I tell him I’m feeling down he’ll be angry and upset because it affects what he wants. I do want to make him happy and be back to normal again.
9th June 2020 at 3:25 pm #105662EscapeeParticipant
It’s him not you my lovely. Your body and mind is quite rightly not interested in being intimate with someone that makes you feel vulnerable and afraid…..and those feelings are because of the way HE has treated you.
An intimate relationship should the result of a mutually respectful, loving, supportive friendship between a consenting couple. He hasn’t held up his end of the bargain.
I felt like you for so long, blaming myself, thinking there was something wrong. I was so very wrong. You are precious and being intimate with you has to be earned through trust, love and respect. 💕
26th June 2020 at 8:57 pm #107658CamelParticipant
Intimacy (sex) with this kind of man feels like a transaction. Duty sex is bound to feel wrong. It is absolutely wrong. We have sex with our minds first, our bodies following behind. If your mind is saying ‘no’then your body will too. Neither are his ‘needs’ any greater nor more imperative than yours. Perhaps you should listen to your subconscious and stop blaming yourself for some imagined failing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all x
29th June 2020 at 4:19 pm #108136CatjamParticipant
No matter what you say or how hard you try it will never be enough. They claim they need sex to feel loved or to feel wanted but in reality it’s all about them getting their own way and satisfying their needs.
You feel tired and low because he is zapping you’re confidence and self esteem. You have done nothing wrong. Try reading living with the dominator by Pat Craven or books by Lundy Bancroft.
30th June 2020 at 12:27 pm #108243littledoveParticipant
In a healthy relationship your partner should respect your body and your wishes.
They should not make you feel bad for not wanting to be intimate especially after you’ve explained why. He should support you and be understanding. He should not be guilt tripping you by saying it’s his fault that you don’t want him.
I promise you there’s so many men out there who would respect you and support you. You will never win or please this man. It will just get worse and worse. And he is making you feel that you are oversensitive and putting you down so that you feel that no other man will want you – a classic abuser tactic to make you feel worthless, when you aren’t!
An abusive man always gets worked up when you try talk to them about how you feel about their behaviours ant how they make you feel because they don’t want you recognising that it’s wrong what they are doing/how they are treating you, so they blame it on you and make you think you’re going crazy when you’re not!
You deserve to be respected, not spoken down to. There’s real good men out there please don’t waste a single minute more with him. You don’t want to live the rest of your life like this, we only get one life, don’t look back on it with regret.
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