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I got referred to them….what are they like? Im scared because I wanna talk about some things he did but I dont know if I will.be able to. He said he wud cut my tongue out if I talked about this stuff. This sounds really stupid. I speak good english…but there are some things i dunno how to express in english..maybe not in mother tongue either.I want someone to know everything. I belief that if i can say it aloud then it will become less painful. He is getting consequences for other things he did, but im not sure I can ever take this stuffany futher..but I need to tell someone eveything that he did.
Im really embarrassed and ashamed too…for a long time I though he did bad things because I a a rubbish wife. I dont think that now…but I think the feelings of shame might stop me being able to talk -
Independent Sexual Violence Advisors (ISVAs) are trained to provide emotional and practical support to survivors of rape, sexual abuse and sexual assault. I think it’s a good idea for you to write whatever you can down on paper. I couldn’t say the word ‘rape’ for six months. It just wouldn’t come out. None of this is your fault and why should you feel shame? You did nothing wrong. That’s his voice still in your head. He should hang his head in shame for what he did. But they just don’t admit guilt and shame. They try to make us carry it for them. I would go along and see how you feel. You don’t have to talk about things if you don’t want to. I’m sure they will make you feel comfortable and I don’t think you have anything to lose.
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Hi Shinebright,I found my ISVA service amazing. Everyone in their organisation was kind, respectful and appropriate at all times. I had counselling through them as well and if you’re planning on having counselling I would recommend having it from a service like this that really understand the impact of sexual abuse. I totally get how hard it is to say things, I felt such deep shame but also that I had no appropriate words to describe things with. When you’ve held stuff in for so long and been conditioned to never tell anyone, it feels like a huge step to gange that, it feels like the world will end if you say it. But it didn’t, instead I realised I hadn’t needed to feel that shame at all and it set me free. I really hope you find the same help ask did, but go at your own pace and make sure you feel safe first. You’ve come such a long way and are doing brilliantly xx
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Youve had brilliant responses already, but just wanted to note that I found my ISVA lovely, she was very professional and very supportive.
I couldn’t say the word rape for a really long time. Even now sometimes it sticks in my throat.My isva explained everything to me every step of the way, she simplified the terms the police and cps used to make sure I understood everything, she arranged to show me around the court to familiarise myself with the building ahead of the trial, and she was with me throughout the trial aswell. I couldn’t have gotten through it without her.
Those feelings of shame you’re having are perfectly normal for what’s happened but it is not your shame! He is the one who should be ashamed of what he did.
If it helps you talk about it, could you try ringing the helpline? Or rapecrisis on 0808 802 9999 (open again tomorrow, and everyday, at 12noon-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm)
(Hope that’s okay to post x)Sometimes it can be easier saying it on the phone as opposed to face to face?
Wishing you all the best – you’re so strong. Love and light, LBP xx
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Tell her what you just told us here. She will help you to formulate and speak about it.
I still cannot write down a lot of things that happened to me, but I can formulate words and let them out of my head and someone listens.
It is important that we share our horror.
I hope that I will be able to write a book one day in the future and share everything with the world.
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