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    • #78198
      maddog
      Participant

      I had a shockingly bad experience in an interview recently. I was terrified and alone in a room with the interviewer. It was truly more of an interrogation. I made a formal complaint. Their response has been terrifyingly self-protective. I stated that the interview should have been recorded or that I should have been accompanied by someone with legal expertise. There response was that there were no witnesses to what happened and that the interviewer behaved with dignity and kindness. She didn’t. I left feeling utterly confused and gaslighted.

    • #78199
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey, you did the right thing by complaining. Your complaint is now on record I would hope. You could complain higher up the chain and explain your experience, try to write it all down while it’s fresh, ask how they know she ‘behaved with dignity and kindness’ when by their own admission there were no witnesses! That response alone is ridiculous. What they mean is she’s telling them she acted with dignity and kindness.

    • #78201
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Sorry to read this MD. Was it an interview for a job? I came away feeling confused and bombarded after a mediation session (him in one room me in another so not face to face), it felt that the mediator was aggressive and trying to push me into decisons I needed time to think about. He had a set of demands and both he and she seemed unaware or interested that this was a negotiation, perhaps it was me who was under this false impression? I asked if I could take someone with me next time as a result; although it turned out that was the first and last time as he cancelled it. I wish I’d taken my WA support worker to it now as it left me thinking am I being over sensitive or could this have been handled better – I still have no idea really. These sort of things leave me feeling I want to shut myself away x

    • #78225
      maddog
      Participant

      Up the chain is the ombudsman. The only evidence that the interview took place is my complaint and their response. Not a job interview. Have been bawling in front of my gp. My ex has plenty of previous experience of accusing me of things that aren’t true. He will stop at nothing. This felt like his flying monkeys. I felt accused of things that were quite simply not true.

    • #78226
      AlwaysSorry
      Participant

      Hi MD,

      I’m so sorry to read about this dreadful experience you had to endure. Be proud of yourself for putting in a complaint even if they’re not listening to you, that complaint shows you can’t be bullied with. Listen to KIP – how indeed can they know their representative acted well if no one else was there. Play Devil’s advocate and turn it back on them, if you have the strength to do so.

      There are so many injustices in this world sadly, but please know that some wouldn’t even have had it in them to complain to begin with, so give yourself a pat on the back for having done so. I’m sending you a big albeit virtual hug.

    • #78227
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Gah! Dreadful. Dealing with lies is such a horrid place to find one’s self. Hold on to your truth MD. It can be so hard to articulate sometimes cant it. Without proof there is no case to answer – in the interview and in life – these allegations are empty and just that x

    • #78228

      Yes, would say the same, ‘hold to you truth’. I have chosen to complain about so many thinks since leaving…guess it is that we are so sensitized to being abused, or things and so unwilling to put up bare faced lies…?

      KIP is right, it is so important to get it on record. And be prepared to go higher up the chaing if necessary.

      These things take time and effort which we may feel we would rather spend on other things…however, I feel it is all part of our experiences and we in the end emerge stronger. Although if you are anything like me, when we are stuck in the thicik of it, it is difficult to see that, and sometimes downright depressing, but

      all kinds of organisations and companies bank on no-one launching a complaint so that they can carry on with shoddy service, less than good interactions with people – I admire you for doing this.

      I can think of several occasions where things have turned around as a result of complaint made…

      In terms of karma what I try to do nowadays is to remember to praise people and services and orgnaisations when things do go well. People are often surprised and appreciative. Sometimes I ask to speak to the boss and someone starts looking a bit worried…but you never know it might result in a pay rise for someone or a promotion….or just feeling valued for example in a restaurant or something…

      I for one am very proud of you for making the complaint and not putting up with dishonesty.

      well done you
      ftc
      x

    • #78255
      maddog
      Participant

      I am just so fed up with the false accusations. And now the false accusations being presented to me as truth. In secret. I will take stock and very likely take it to the ombudsman, and will hopefully push that these meetings absolutely must not take place without a 3rd party or recording.

    • #78262
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Yes Maddog…’false allegations’ that’s what they are. Keep saying it. Well done in confronting it that not easy at all!

      They sent you someone to cover it up, through face to face, even worse than a phone call because its not evidence of what they’ve said,

      You writing up words used and your ‘interview’ experience as an interrogation, are evidence of the way you experienced it and what words were used
      . by writing that down this becomes your statement. Throw it back in their faces, in writing, and refuse to meet further, but stick with written s you have physical evidence of the conversation, and an audit trail to evidence your words and their reactions.

      Many organisations now make all their complaints procedures aboutthe phone call because they can easily be deleted, s the public don’t record them. Stick to writing.

      So so sorry you were treated like this, their bad, not yours. Hold your truth.

      Warmest wishes

      TS

    • #78264
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      That’s terrible. I hope you do take it further, their reply to your complaint was so ridiculous. You matter. x

    • #78292
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi MD, just want to send you some support too. Definately take this further, the more of us who do complain about situations like this and also praise those who deserve it also, the better.
      💞💞IWMB

    • #78351
      maddog
      Participant

      It is all head churning stuff. My ex involved the police as a kick off and lied to them. That’s when they became involved. Had he not done that I would probably think I was just in a miserable marriage. That man stoops low. He says I abuse him and gives as his truth the things he has said and done to me. It is difficult to hold my head high when I am held responsible for his behaviour by the authorities. It is nothing short of terrifying.

    • #78356
      diymum@1
      Participant

      It’s a narcassistic smear campaign this is what they do best xx they project

      Love and support diymum

    • #79446
      maddog
      Participant

      I’ve had the results of the interview back. Pages and pages of vitriol and personality assassination against me. Wow. It was truly shocking. A support worker looked at it and told me she had seen too many others like it. I think the interviewer had a bolt loose. My doctor is shocked. I was shaking with horror for more than a day. Just shaking.

    • #79447
      Fudgecake
      Participant

      I’m sorry you’re going through this and send you lots of positive thoughts. At least the support worker said it’s common to see and I’m sure that a lot of perpetrators go all out smear campaign tactics. The truth will out and he will get found out.

    • #79450
      KIP.
      Participant

      This interviewer who you were initially told treated you with ‘dignity and kindness’. Is this the same one now full of vitriol and character assassination. Bit of a contradiction there? Hang on to the truth x

    • #79459
      maddog
      Participant

      The interviewer avoided clear evidence like the plague, failed to check up on further evidence, treated me like dirt from the moment she clapped eyes on me. There was no dignity or kindness. She was on a mission to prove me a liar. She was gaslighting me, ignoring what I said, glossing over important information, looking at me with contempt. I could go on. It was worse than being trapped in a Kafka novel. From the outset I knew it was going to be bad. She was only fixed on demeaning and destroying me which is exactly how her report reads. It is not by choice that I go to the ombudsman. She spouted absolute vitriol and hatred. I have no idea why she is allowed to behave like this.

    • #79461
      diymum@1
      Participant

      victim blaming power tripper by the sounds of it these people shouldnt be in these posts like many professions x*x where are there regulatory bodies when you need them? xx

    • #79572
      maddog
      Participant

      You are all so kind and supportive with your comments. Thank you. It means so much. You have given me the confidence to really go for it and get real life support through all this. The PC who I met when all of this kicked off visited me today and gave me some helpful information. I didn’t recognise him and was slightly confused that he was so cheerful and friendly. I feel much safer now that several professionals and friends have my back. It has been complete hell. My ex found a flying monkey and created a crisis and has caused so much distress and chaos. Today the children and I were scything a field. That was fun.

    • #79576
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Dear Maddog

      This is so lovely to hear!

      Also lovely activities like scything a field.

      Well done you, getting that strength to move forward positively with this. I am so pleased for you.

      Keep going andlook forwaed to hearing more positive steps and outcomes.

      Warmest wishes

      TS

    • #79587
      KIP.
      Participant

      Go for it. Power to you. How dare they x ✊️

    • #79611
      maddog
      Participant

      It feels really strange to do things with the children. It is awful that until my ex left the house I was unable to be a parent. I couldn’t ask the children to do anything in the house or outside. I wasn’t able to engage with them. It is a small thing. Only one day. I hope we can share more days.

    • #79764
      maddog
      Participant

      My ex husband is exactly the monster he said he wasn’t. How these people lie. It is terrible having officials doing his donkey work for him. I bet he is gloating. He will be less happy to learn that his children are free to report his behaviour to the police and that evidence is there to back them up, albeit very small. He encouraged their violence against me. He encouraged them to treat me like something you wouldn’t want on your shoe.

      The difference in their behaviour now he is gone is remarkable. Baby steps. I’m not counting my chickens.

    • #79766
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      The difference in their behaviour now he is gone is remarkable

      Thats amazing to hear maddog!

      Lovely news. Lets hopw this is a corner turned for you all now.

      Warmest wishes

      TS

    • #79774
      maddog
      Participant

      Sadly neither I nor the children are out of the woods yet. When the children return from their father their behaviour is markedly changed. This latest episode has the potential to put us all in danger. It makes a huge difference to be believed. It is very difficult to be treated as a liar by a so-called professional.

    • #79780
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      It really does make a huge difference Maddog.

      After all the blame of an abusive relationship we desperately need validation to return us to sanity!

      Can you flag up the effect on them having cntact with their father? Its obviously causing them problems.

      Your/their safety is paramount and i hope you can get protections you all need and deserve to have.

      Warmest wishes

      TS

    • #79828
      maddog
      Participant

      I don’t know. My faith in these things is sub zero despite the support I am getting. I’m feeling pretty low and my daughter has just asked me to contact her dad. I snapped back that it is not my responsibility over the matter to contact him. It is the other way round and I cannot be responsible for his behaviour.

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