Argh am i just as bad?

[justfedup]

So I havnt been on here in a while, just trying to deal and cope and life takes over but (detail removed by Moderator) i had a episode which is still plaguing me and making me feel batterrd down and hopeless. My other half said he would be popping for a chat with someone after work so would be a bit later than normal (i assumed an hour maybe). The chat was in a pub and although he doesnt have drinking issues.. he does enjoy a pint or 2 however on this occasion he was driving, anyway when he arrived back after (detail removed by Moderator) i was quite mad and had a nag at him about it, I also implied he had more than one drink asking him directly have you had more than one and been drivinf as this would be a concern to me. He immediately became VERY defensive and started his usual “flip switch” cold nasty attitude with me. He knows which buttons to press calling me a psycho and dillusional because this always hits hard and has a huge impact (I have had sit down heart to hearts about him pleading not to call me these names as there have been mental health issues within my family through illness and it hurts me) … so he didnt just call me a psycho, he was goading and antagonising shouting it at me, doing the actions and really going in on me terrorising me.. telling me im not right in the head and i never have been, im mental and deranged and should be locked up.. he was saying our son hasnt got a normal mother and how I have been f*k*d up since before we even met but in a really brutal and antagonistic mannor to the point i was just beside myself totally distraught shouting and unable to cope.. i literally sat and was scratching my own skin to try and release this pressure he had built inside of me being so cold and mean. I have never ever had self harming thoughts or feelings and this wasnt something i consciously thoivht at the time it was more an involuntary reaction as i was such a wreck. During this I asked him to leave.. he was literally brraking me down by the second and winding me up at the same time ans i felt so lost and scared and on my own stuxk and trapped.. i told him he had to leave and stop and he refused continuing to tell me how crazy i am.. i threatened to phone the policr to get him out and he laughed and told me the police would laugh in my face and tell me im unstable. He asked what grounds i would give the police to have him temoved to which i told him verbal and mental abuse and he said that he would tell them im abusive to him because i am controlling him what time he comes in and that insinuating he had drank more than one pint was calling him a liar which is abusive.. so basically he turned this all around to me being abusive toward him which made me feel morr trapped but is he right? Am i as bad, he said i brought it all on myself and deserve everything i got because of questioning him when he came in! Is this right? Am i being abusive when we have a son at home and he takes the pee with how long a chat takes and i question drink dricing as i know he couldnt sit that long in a pub with only 1 pint!! The point is i love him but he is usually only this cold and dark and heartless with alcohol in him, he can be a total pain and very mean without it but this cloud is usually under the influence so I still believe i was right about the amound he drank but in wuestioning his integrity and challeneging the time would the police laugh at me and would he legitimately be able to claim I have been abusive? Im so confused with where the lines cross! My mind has just been a fuzz since and he has since said twice i bring in on myself and no apology. The thing is we have a son who they dont get along, they argue and fall out alot and this impacts my parenting, me and him are soo close and he only really has me, i have all of thr patience and love and care yet when things like this happen im in a bubble and a bit shorter and snappy and now my son has gone into school today crying he wants to be with me and i know its because he has felt a shift in me, he can feel how on edge i have been all weekend. I feel so awful.

Im sorry this is so long i just needed to get it off my chest, vent it out and gets some feedback, writing it down really does help and when it feels like nobody knows you, nobody judges you and people will be honest its all i need right now, some calm honest people to talk to.

Thank you

[Starmoon]

Reading this… it could be me saying it all. That is exactly the same sort of thing my (now ex) partner would do… it’s so hard to understand, were we wrong to question them, are we abusive too… but I think all ladies on here will say we’re not the problem, they are! You get a gut feeling when they are lying.. and it’s the lying that’s the problem initially- it’s disrespectful. You wanted to know if he’d been drinking and driving because you know it’s wrong and you know he’s likely to have done it. If it wasn’t the case, if he hadn’t done it then yes he can be angry or upset but the way he spoke to you wasn’t normal… it was abusive. There was absolutely no need at all to say all the horrible things he said- but he did it because he things he’s entitled to do what ever he liked without being questioned… just like my ex. My ex also called me crazy, said I was mentally ill, that I had issues and no other man would ever tolerate the way I treated him. They prey on the things that they know will hurt us most. You don’t do that to him so you’re not just as bad as him at all!!!

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