Ashamed

[Jackanory]

Ashamed because I ran round to my friend’s house tonight. She’s having a tough time with another issue even though she’s been so good to me. I hardly know her boyfriend yet tonight he did most of the talking about leaving an abusive relationship. Basically my boyfriend’s moved into my flat and is refusing to leave because he pays most if not all of the bills. The abuse has been mostly verbal until now. I went to hit him and he pushed me across the room – then I went to switch off the television as I wanted his full attention (he was watching football!) and he threw me across the room again. He said he thought I was going to “damage his property” so he was protecting it! I can’t tolerate his attitude anymore. But I feel I’ll have to live on benefits if I get rid of him if I want to stay in my flat. I work very hard but it’s sporadic and badly paid – as he jeeringly never fails to point out. Work/career’s important to me. Now I’m getting to the point where I’m letting my friends down (I’m lucky to have them!) – they’re getting fed up of telling me to get rid and I’m leaning on them then having to come back to THIS. I need to contact relevant authorities. Just upset I’m letting people down.

[KIP.]

Don’t be ashamed, these men drive us mad. However, you admit to trying to hit him. If he goes to the police you may be detained and he may take a restraining order to get you out of your own flat. That’s how devious these men can be, I know. Please ring 101 and ask about reporting his domestic violence and have the police remove him. Once he’s out of your life you will have the head space to be rational and deal with the situation. But not while he is near you. Never ever underestimate these abusers. Is it a two bedroom flat that you could rent out the second room?

[Jackanory]

Thanks Kip. It’s a one-bedroomed flat. I have spoken to the housing association and they say as I’m legal tenant I could get him out. I need to make an appointment to see them when I’m not working. I don’t want the police round here. For one my neighbour is a total busybody and a gossip – she’s always complaining to the housing association about us arguing – needless to say that’s something we do a lot!

[Twisted Sister]

thats great that you’ve called them Jackanory. As far as the neighbour’s concerned it sounds like she’s done you a favour as the housing association will already know that there are problems so you calling fits another piece into the jigsaw in your favour.

totally agree that him being out will give you the headspace you need.

Warmest wishes

ks xx

[Jackanory]

Hi Karmaister – and thanks for your well-wishes! Believe you me the neighbour has done me NO favours whatsoever in grassing me up, she’s just a troublemaker. Thinking about it today I’m just a bit upset that whatever’s happening with my boyfriend has impacted on somebody who I truly do value – my friend. She’d been in tears just before I went round. Her father’s just had major surgery and there have been complications. I want to support her not be a pain. I’ve apologised to both her and her boyfriend. Work’s too hectic at the moment to think ahead.

[Twisted Sister]

i don’t suppose she’s intentionally done you a favour from what you say, just that the housing a*s. knowing there’s been problems is helpful that he’s been difficult to stop him from staying there and getting him out.

sounds also like your friend wanted to help you out and wouldn’t want you to be feeling this way because she helped you? if you’re worried maybe check with her and let her know its worried you?

warmest wishes ks xx

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