Hi AllCatsAreBeautiful,
Welcome to the forum. Thank you for posting and sharing about how you’re feeling.
You’ve been through some really distressing experiences. It’s normal to feel shame and guilt because of domestic abuse, these are feelings most (if not all) of the women here would relate to but none of what’s happened is your fault. If you did decide to make a formal statement to the police about what’s happened, the outcome of that wouldn’t be your responsibility. The only person responsible is your boyfriend for deciding to assault you.
It’s important that you’re in control of what you want to happen. It sounds like everything feels quite confusing and overwhelming at the moment, this too is normal. There is support available to help you understand your options and decide what you want to do. You could contact our Live Chat service (available every day) and speak to a Support Worker about your situation. You could also contact your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing emotional and practical support.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa