baby steps

[Anonymous]

I have made the first, tiny little move to financial independence. A small step on what will be a long journey but yay!

But my partner knows. Oh he knows and all the pitfalls he can put in place are coming my way. The verbal abuse is increasing in malice and the gaps between the episodes is decreasing. It is taking every single reserve I have not to give up.

The fact is I’m terrified of poverty. I know that sounds privileged and petty but I have kids and I need to make sure I am in the best possible position to care for them. And I have had a lot of professional experience working with extreme poverty – i know how hard it can hit and how quickly.

So i suppose my question is, has anyone successfully left slllloooowwwllyy, with their partner seemingly fully aware of the steps theyre taking?

[KIP.]

It isn’t a good idea to go down this route as your partner will now dig his heels in further. He knows your weaknesses and will exploit them. Watch out for him putting even more financial pressure on you. Taking on more debt, trying to trap you further. Talk to a solicitor and get the facts on where you stand financially. My ex alway threatened he would force the sale of our home and I’d get nothing. Turns out I’m still in the home and he had to sign it over to me so get the facts from a solicitor and don’t believe a word your partner tells you or tries to brain wash you with. It’s not privileged and petty, it’s sensible to know that you and your children will be financially sound. That’s why it’s important you get the facts. Some women have to leave with nothing but the clothes on their back but if you can manage things safely and get all your ducks in a row first then that’s what I’d do. My ex was removed from the home by the police which gave me time and breathing space to sort things out. I made excuses for decades on why I couldn’t leave and in the end it took the police to remove him. I was so traumatised I just wasn’t thinking straight so lean on women’s aid x

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