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    • #109165
      Confusedgirl
      Participant

      Hi guys

      I posted on here around 3 years ago, about my relationship with my husband.. basically he

      – threatened to rape me after a argument
      – pushed me over on a night out
      – whipped my face with a towel
      – threatened to beat up my dad and my children’s dad (my ex) numerous times
      – said I’m ugly and the only good thing about me was my body
      – grabbed my face really hard
      – kept me up all night demanding to know how a man I spoke to in town was
      – pinned me down on the bed after a argument
      – said I’m a s**t mum and he will take our son off me

      Loads more 🙁

      Anyway I didn’t leave and here we are 3 years later

      HOWEVER, can they be “good” for long long periods of time.. because the majority of it has all stopped. No name calling, no arguments anymore, no threats of violence

      BUT I still feel trapped. I am living on my nerves, I feel every single day that I want to leave but I never know why as he is nothing like he used to be..

      I feel miserable when he is around, he tells me constantly he loves me. He provides for us all, will do anything I ask. It’s like he’s so scared to lose me now

      He can be jealous tho, and goes through my instragram checking what friends I have. I get major anxiety if I upload a pic, as he then says I’m acting like I’m single, so now I’m always nervous about what I post. If we argue he completely Blanks me, no nastiness anymore, just the silent treatment.

      Sex is still a issue, if I say no or that I’m feeling ill that day, he will still go to bed and start touching me, playing with me, even when I say no, he Carries on until I juts end up giving in.. I hate sex with him now

      So basically is it me? I know I’m
      Cold and emotional less with him, and he’s desperate for some sort of love. But why am in still unhappy when most of the issues have stopped now 🙁 xxxx

    • #109180
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Because he has left you dead inside. The past abuse cannot be forgotten or erased, no matter how nice he ‘may’ have been since then. You remember the ‘real’ him and you know what really lurks deep down inside. It’s like waiting for a volcano to erupt again isn’t it, there’s probably always something there simmering, you just don’t know when it’s going to explode.

      Three years is a long time to be living like this. If you’re not happy with this man then you have every right to leave him. Only you can make that choice though. But if you’re seeking permission somehow, then you have mine 🙂

    • #109549
      Camel
      Participant

      He’s just changed his methods of abuse. You’ve changed your behaviour to appease him as you were scared of the physical and verbal abuse. Now he knows that just the threat of violence is enough to control you. Nowadays he’s moved on to pretending to be jealous. I say ‘pretending’ because he doesn’t actually believe that you are ‘acting single’ or cheating on him with anyone who happens to be male. It’s behaviour designed to keep you second guessing and ultimately in your place – scared and feeling sick. The sexual abuse shouldn’t be played down either. Even in loving and balanced relationships we are allowed to be ‘not in the mood’. He doesn’t own you or your body. It’s all yours x

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