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    • #143340
      Waving not drowning

      Hi guys

      My husband and I are separated and have started living separate lives albeit in the same home. (Detail removed by moderator) was awful. We had a meeting with a professional and discussed the separation which at the time was so distressing and I had two VERY bad days of constant sobbing after it.

      It was the whole – why can’t I make it work? Why wasn’t I enough? Why does rejection from an abuser hurt so much?

      I spoke with a family member openly and they are coming to see me.

      My husband behaved oddly. From being really chipper to requesting to spend time together to telling me (detail removed by moderator) 🙄

      But NO acknowledgement of my tears that he saw…. It’s like he gets off on my grief.

      Then I turned a bit of a corner and he’s back to being all over me like a rash. Being good round the house – offering help – messaging etc. and then (detail removed by moderator) he didn’t see it as being permanent…. And so I’m back to feeling sick with terror!!

      I’m going to ring WA tomorrow – will they be able to help me start to navigate the actual practicalities of leaving as this yo yo of behaviour is already becoming too hard to bear?

      Thanks all.

      WND x

    • #143347
      Twisted Sister

      Hi Waving not drowning

      Yes, they will. Thats exactly how they can help you, and its also so valuable to write down your experiences and feelings here as you are.

      The yo-yoing is awful, and so very exhausting for you. Its never going to be anything except extremely hard (and potentially very risky for you), living under the same roof whilst being ‘separated’. He is still abusing you regardless of any separation. Is there anywhere he can go whilst things are sorted out?

      You desperately need your safe space to get some rest and peace. Can he stay with family or friends until the house matters are resolved?

      Keep posting and letting us know how you are. Long spells out of the house will be good for you, give you some much needed mind space back.

      warmest wishes


    • #143348

      This is my life at the minute too. The F.O.G (fear, obligation & guilt) is so real. Although I’m living my own life and so is he, when we are in the house together and in same space I definitely revert to a submissive version, and he swings from nasty with those looks we all know to the man I always wanted him to be. I have days when everything sets me crying but thankfully they pass and become less and less. Remember you’re going through a separation after all so daft things like going to the supermarket might upset you if you used to do them together on good days. I often feel like I’m living two lives as I have the keys to my new place but haven’t fully moved from the old house yet, mainly due to the fog!! My best tip is to remind yourself why you’re leaving as he’s going to try every trick, keep & read your journal, use this forum (as reading other posts remind you of things in your life), and set yourself small goals each day towards the exit, baby steps are steps in the right direction! Good luck, this but is tough but in a different way, but worth it to be free xx

    • #143802

      Hi I am in a similar position, some days are good and you are able to be polite to each other. But they see that as a green light to come looking for more attention and as soon as you give in they turn back to be nasty. Everyone keeps telling me to be the grey rock which is the most hardest thing ever.

      I hope that WA will be able to help you x

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