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Hi , I am doing my own thing .. out and about , seeing friends, concentrating on the children etc etc .
We are still not talking after my numerous attempts of trying .. it sickens me how he can sit and laugh with my son whilst watching the football , like he hasn’t a care in the world but I get drinking looks and silent treatment .. how can you be two different people and act like everything is ok and laugh and be so relaxed when I am a mess !
I am guessing it’s because he thinks he has me trapped for financial reasons and I won’t have the balls to go .. if he really knew my long term plans o wonder if he would be so arrogant .. just fancied a rant 😬 -
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Hi Buddy, you’ve definately come to the right place then 😂 rant away…
It is strange how they are like 2 different people or in some of their cases 3 or 4. My abuser has the home version of him, the work version then the the version he uses for friends (and probably women) in general though he wants to be seen as this great guy, the thought of me ‘talking’ to someone (as he says) absolutely petrifies him.
And I have noticed a very sadistic streak in my abuser too. In the past if I was upset he’d be so happy, but if I’m happy he looks so angry. And once he even sat there flicking through YouTube playing the songs from my grandma’s funeral- he knew that I was in a bad place with it all and had said that after the funeral I didn’t want to hear the songs again until I was in a better place. He was looking at me the whole time, willing and waiting for me to break down, and you know what I did? I held a straight face (even though it was so hard) plumped my cushions up, made a cup of tea and went up to bed!!! His face was a picture I can tell you! X
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Exactly .. like being super nice to the children ?? So b****y weird ..I have zero respect for him … now I have seen through him ..
my mum said to me tonight that herself and my dad have been talking about buying a property to rent .. this is some hope for me for a get out .. I alwYs said I still love him but this is now dying , now the respect has gone ..
his lack of respect for me has given me no respect for him .. how uncanny ladies-
Yep. My abuser is the same. It frustrates you because the ‘being nice thing is what they did to us to get us in the position were in, but we see now that it’s fake.
My abuser is fully aware of our elder daughter because she’s getting older and would repeat anything back that he said anyway. It’s literally the way he talks to her, it’s so OTT cheesy and fake. I’ve seen who he really is and once you see you don’t forget.
And if you can find a way out you should take it. They use financial control to keep us with them. I’m sure most of us here would of got out alot sooner if it wasn’t for these things x
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Hi Buddy – Abuse is a choice, silent treatment is the ultimate ‘you don’t exist’ abuse, it is an active decision they make to treat us this way. I endured over 2 months of silent treatment recently and was threatened, pushed, treated with contempt, ignored, intimidated and verbally abused for years and years, leaving several times, coming back – believing his lies about changing and apologies, I didn’t know it was abuse, I didn’t see it as his choice. I wanted to ‘fix’ him and make everything alright, I didn’t see the truth which was, all the while he was awful to me, he was respectful and friendly to EVERYONE else. Hmmmmm, including my sons who still love their step-dad and miss him. It was completely humiliating once I saw it for what it was, he was DELIBERATELY diminishing me, slowly and surely until I just didn’t exist anymore to him. Getting out has been incredibly hard and I won’t lie, at the moment I am lost and very sad. Mostly I feel sad to think he chose to act that way towards me, he decided to devalue me, he chose to reduce me to nothing, he made a decision in every moment to be unkind, uncivil, rude and to physically push me out of his way. It wasn’t because I had done anything wrong, but he certainly turned it around so that all the blame and responsibility fell my way. Smearing, lying and denying. It is all an active choice they make. Mine thought he could treat me any way he wanted because I would never leave, or never end it and was so shocked when I said the words ‘Its over, I’m done’ but I did say it and now, there is no going back because I am learning respect for myself, boundaries for myself and that I do have a value.
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Wiseafter, wonderful writing. Powerful words. You sum them and their horrible behaviours up totally. Glad you got away despite all. I got away too a good while ago now and it’s gets better every day. The loneliness and sadness are rarely felt now. They were strong in me in the aftermath but time has diminished them. Onwards and upwards.
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