Bad day(s) – no faith in the police

[Peacethroughhealing]

I am always having a bad day at the moment. I try to get on with things and keep myself busy but then when I do stop (or I’ll burn out) the pain is too much and I miss him more than anything. I have to get through this and I keep thinking the feelings of pain will go eventually subside but it’s killing me. People say that you can die of a broken heart. I just feel broken, so sad and the pang of missing him is too much sometimes. For over (detail removed by moderator) weeks now I have gone no contact as in I haven’t replied to anything he has sent me. I saw him in work (detail removed by moderator) and he looked so good and fresh unlike me. I reported him to the police (detail removed by moderator) weeks ago and they gave me an incident card. (detail removed by moderator) weeks later full of worry and apprehension they called me last weekend and I said I didn’t want to make a statement and they said they would still have to question him and that would be (detail removed by moderator). I took the day off work (detail removed by moderator) and felt sick to my stomach with worry wondering if they were questioning him at that moment, when would they be speaking to him….the officer told me that as soon as they had questioned him I would be informed. Now a week has gone by and I have heard nothing. He got in touch with me (detail removed by moderator) to my work so I know they haven’t approached him yet. I feel so disillusioned by the police and I wish I had never gone to them at all in the first place. The only thing I would say is that it has kept me away from contacting him as I would have been right back in his arms had I not thought that they were questioning him. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to chase things up because I really want no more involvement with the police and I’ve never had until this incident. I don’t want to make a complaint either but I feel that the way I have been treated has been not good. They kept me waiting 8 weeks and then there was a rush for me to make a statement and they would question him the night and nothing. Has anyone experienced this?

[Lisa]

Hi Peacethroughhealing

I am sorry to hear you are dealing with so much pain, you have done so well staying no contact as i know how hard this is. I can hear how you feel let down by how the police have handled things, it is obviously your decision if you feel like you want to contact them further.

If you haven’t already you can contact your local domestic abuse service for ongoing support.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Peacethroughhealing

I’m sorry you are going through a tough period at the moment, good of you to have written here.
Do you have support around you?
It sounds you are carrying a lot on your shoulders…I would call WA to start with just for emotional support and see what your options are regarding his questioning and how you can handle this going forward.
I haven’t experienced it so I can’t offer any practical advice just that I would definately get support for yourself and not go through this alone.
Sending you strength and hugs 💞

[Anonymous]

PTH, I haven’t found the police very helpful either. My ex has been charged but throughout the process so far, I haven’t been kept very well informed and it all moves at a snail’s pace. Even if I call or email asking for a call back, it often takes a fortnight, if at all. But similarly to you, police involvement got him removed from my house and enforced no contact and I’m so grateful for that. I hope it gets better for you. It’s the not knowing that’s so scary and stressful. Now my ex has been charged, I feel calmer, when I was a mess before.

HLJ is right, you need some support. I had a couple of people I could just rant off to and that really helped. Call Women’s Aid if you don’t have people like that in your life.

[Peacethroughhealing]

I would never contact the police again. This has been going on for weeks and weeks now and I didn’t want the incident card and now it’s sat for so long without anything being done and all the anxious waiting. Eventually he was questioned (I can’t put down here when that happened) but the officer called me by mistake and asked for him…I said who is this and she got all flustered and asked me for his number saying they were just about to meet him at a local police station (at a time convenient to him). She comes on the phone later on her way to another job so doesn’t have much time and she says well it’s obvious that you both still have a lot of love for each other…we have given your partner advice and it’s up to you two how you continue with things but maybe you need a break. What would you say to that?? This from the officer who said they would be out to take my statement and didn’t and then didn’t call me to let me know this and then there was a great urgency to interview him which went on for a week of me waiting to hear if he had been interviewed as in the meantime he was emailing me at work. Why have a domestic abuse unit when they are not the ones dealing with domestic abuse cases. When she called me by mistake she said she had so many crime reports up on her screen. This is an officer who is not trained at all in domestic abuse cases. So I know that he if he gets in touch with me now I will be back to him. I am only being honest because the pain of not being with him is too much.

[Author]

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