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    • #133603
      Better-days
      Participant

      I have not posted on here in a while I just feel so deflated just now. Is anyone else in a position like me with young kids and know leaving is not an option. My kids just adore their dad and their home. He’s very clever and acts completely different around them says he grew up with his dad being abussive so he would never want his kids to hear arguing he acts like a big hero to them but then treats me like c**p like I answer him back and stuff but totally live my life pleasing him incase he kicks off. An example today I booked to take them out with friends kids paid the booking then he decided no I wasn’t to go that he was doing something with the kids. I was telling him how unfair he was he just says well I am telling u what’s happening to that’s it there’s no reasoning with him at all or he flies off on one. He says if I go he’s keeping kids no question about that their his I know if I was to leave life would be hell for me and the kids I just need to keep them safe and leaving is just no option I’m feeling so suffocated tonight. Has anyone else got small kids and literally trapped.

    • #133632
      ryusaki
      Participant

      I’m really sorry this is happening. Have you reached out for help before? Refuge are good and can help you make a safe plan for leaving. I don’t think that he can keep the kids unless it’s proven you’re an unsafe parent which I highly doubt, he sounds like the unsafe parent.

      Could you start logging the incidents? Or see your GP to talk about it? I think this counts as evidence for family court.

      I’ve not put my ex on the birth certificate and he’s coming after our baby. It’s terrifying and I’m doubting myself everyday about what’s happening.

    • #133634
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Yes I’ve had exactly the same, so many days out or trips cancelled because he wakes up that day and decides to change plans, forget what anyone else wants! Have you read ‘why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft you can find it free online, I too used to think he was just abusing me but this book showed me it’s not just me. There’s a chapter in there about children which you might relate to. Don’t underestimate what your kids might know either. Hopefully you’re not as trapped as you feel right now x

    • #133878
      Pink-butterfly
      Participant

      I feel exactly the same I have young kids and I would never want this take them from their dad and home. I wish I was strong enough to but I’m not. He’s in charge of all finances and I don’t no even no where to begin – even looked at flats to rent but there’s no way I’d be able to afford any of it.

      I hope you find a way- just let me no how if you do.

    • #133883
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      My kids are older and I cant leave so please dont beat yourself up we do what we do to keep them and ourselves safe right?
      Im struggling too never felt so low so alone.
      I dont have much advice apart from arm yourself read up on all you can about your situation use womans aid to help you understand legal things with regards to your kids and be kinder to yourself you are doing what you can xxxx

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