Bad idea to contact his ex?

[Indeepindance]

I wondered whether anyone has advice or experience on a thought I’d had since leaving my ex.

I can’t help wondering what my ex’s previous girlfriend (mother of his child) had experienced whilst being with him and feel so tempted to make contact with her sometimes.

They lasted a lot longer than he and I did but he did say I was feisty and I certainly began the relationship not afraid to challenge nonsense.

I’m not sure what I’m hoping to gain from it as I’m aware we would’ve been a different dynamic to her and him. I do wonder though whether he’d displayed any of his controlling ways whilst with her and I worry about their son who is approaching adolescence and showing signs of not wanting to spend as much time with his dad. I could definitely give the mum some insights in order to be able to support her son better, but wonder would this be a step too far and should I stay well away?

Thanks all

Xxxxx

 

 

[Bananaboat]

I’d maybe ask what your reasoning for contacting her are.  She probably already knows a lot about the man as she was with him and has continued to engage with him via their son, but if you’re aware of things that could be safeguarding concerns when he’s with the son, then share them. My ex’s ex reached out to talk as someone who understands that man and have someone to talk to who has been through the same (as it’s not your average breakup and ex is it!) but we’ve not met up yet. Maybe drop her a note as I’m sure it would help you too but don’t be disheartened if she says no. x

[Indeepindance]

Thanks Bananaboat, I do suspect she knows his idiosyncrasies and I would like to hear her side of why they broke up. He never really gave much of an explanation except to say she was a liar.

I thought it might help to comfort me too that I’m not a crank. But I’m worried how he could twist it if I reached out, his conditioning has made we worry he will say it makes me look desperate or something, so I want to break that fear barrier, forget what he thinks and do it for me, her and her child.

Are you keen to meet with your ex’s ex? I think I will do it in due course once I’ve tried to get my stuff back. I do worry that the level of domination has already affected their child and I noticed their behaviour wasn’t normal around him, soon as I met them. They don’t behave like a normal child unless he’s out of the room, it’s very uncomfortable to witness and I wasn’t allowed to interfere at all. So yeah some selfish reasons mixed with concerns for the child.

Thanks for your advice- and highlighting she may not respond, it would be no wonder if she’s dealing with the same control and fears his reaction.

Xxxxx

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