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    • #80965
      Worrywart
      Participant

      my ex was horrible when he took me and our kids away on holiday he would always cause an argument and he would up and leave us there on our own, that was the threat, he always came back a few hours later, i suffer with anxiety and he new this, (i didn’t like being left anywhere with out him esp away from home, my comfort zone) also he caused an argument one day a few years ago and finished it with me, he moved out and went to stay at his brothers, i found out a day later (by his mother) that he went on holiday abroad, and i new nothing about it, that hurt me so much and caused me a great deal of stress, he obviously would have had to plan the holiday months before actually going, deceitful b****** basically it was all planned and well thought out with his brother
      behind my back…he done the same thing a couple of years after as well and i still had him back even after all this ….i must have been mad 🙁 x

    • #81003
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Just shows you how he was manipulating you – leading you to think he went off in a huff and it was over – so he deliberately set out to cause you distress and hurt. Dreadful.

      I would try and think about what this is showing you about you, why is it invading your thoughts? You were scared to be on your own back then – do you feel this now sometimes? I wonder that if you felt ok to be on your own now would this help? Is there a connection here? Past with present? Would these memories stop haunting you if you felt ok to be alone now? If this is the case and you got to this position mentally, it would mean you wouldnt feel this vulnerable ever again because you would not fear being alone xx

    • #81007
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      They are horrible during holidays because we have nowhere to go, we are supposed to stay together, we are in a foreign land, mine was awful.
      I’m sorry you had these memories back, to empower yourself you could change them into what it should have been like. This gave me a lot of relief. That’s the magic of dreaming, you might not hold any power over nightmares when they happen but you can change them into dreams of what should and could have been and then you let them go…

    • #81010
      Worrywart
      Participant

      Hi Fizzylem …iv’e been okay to stay on my own over the last few years, even though i was still with him, he gave me no choice really as he kept on leaving me on my own from the start anyway, in the beginning it was awful, i would panic no end, over the years i got my self out of the situation as i got used to it if that makes sense, it hurt me loads because of the devious way he went about it (going abroad behind my back) he was just a nasty piece of S*** im mad at myself for not leaving him sooner, it could have saved me the heartache of him going away behind my back and all other stuff too x

    • #81011
      Worrywart
      Participant

      hi hopelifejoy, you are right about having no where to go imagine that with anxiety and panic disorder too, he new exactly what he was doing as he new full well about my anxiety x

    • #81044
      fizzylem
      Participant

      He really does sound dreadful WW, I am truly pleased you got away; and I loved reading that you dont get so ppanicked these days – you have overcome this hey. So it’s anger really you’re now left with hey. It’s such a horrid way to feel sint it. I became consumed with anger for a while, felt so ill. I worked on the part of it that meant forgiving myself, as that was the part I could do something about. You were duped flower, this was his evil trickery at work here. Please don’t hang yourself xx

    • #81047
      Worrywart
      Participant

      thanks Fizzylem x

    • #81052
      AlwaysSorry
      Participant

      Hi WW,

      These men and ruining holidays / important dates eh. Mine was the same, like going on holiday meant he could lower his inhibitions or that he could get away with more than he could in England. Which of course, he did. A lot of the assaults I lived through were either in the hours before the flight out or while being abroad. It’s also the most memorable ones for me because indeed, this was the time we were supposed to enjoy ourselves, spend time together like a couple, go sightseeing, go on an adventure together. And just like yours mine knew I have a very big fear of abandonment – and would leave me stranded somewhere, unknown or hotel room or restaurant, you name it. The last real holiday we went on was awful, you see I stood up to his family, I had an opinion and I was going to speak my mind about what I wanted out of this holiday. He made me grovel and beg and apologise for 2 full days and there were quite serious consequences for me for having had an opinion about what I wanted to do on holiday and I’m embarrassed to say I went along with it. He forbade me from talking with my family or sit next to my family. And I obeyed. I think what fizzy wrote is key here, because I had to find a way to forgive myself for that. I hate how I grovelled up to his family and apologised when really I had nothing to be sorry for, but what really hurt me was how much in control he was that he could make me stop talking with my family or sitting next to them.

      These men are awfully clever at manipulating and yes, we need to forgive ourselves for what they sometimes manipulated us into. And I really like HPJ’s of imagining good and happy thoughts. Perhaps it’s time to try and dream a little of holidays to come and what they can be like now without him there x

    • #81079
      Worrywart
      Participant

      AlwaysSorry im so sorry with what you went through too, i wasn’t abroad when this happened to me thank goodness, it was just as traumatic tho, being so far away from my comfort zone, the joke is after the second time he abandoned me on our next holiday, he asked me to go abroad with him …i told him where to go because obviously i wasn’t going to let him do the same thing again to me thousands of miles away x

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