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It is nearly always worse during the night, i have sleep apnoe and snore like a pig. he can’t get to sleep and of course it annoys him, it would annoy anyone but he wont let me sleep in another room and then he threatens to kill me and says i dont know what he is capable of, but i do. he said the only way ill get to see my homeland is in a coffin.i have to go to bed at (detail removed by moderator) am with him then he lays in until (detail removed by moderator) and i have to get up at(detail removed by moderator). i am controlled totally by him and when i lose it and answer back, its always my fault or someone else is giving me ideas. he as controlled who i speak to and what time igo here and what time i gothere in fact he controlseverything i do except for when i get up and go on here. i am not allowed on social media. every day i hate living with him but every day i am still here, i dont love him but i feel responsible for him how can i leave a sick old man with mental health problems. every night i tell myself ill go in morning every morning i get up and dont. i reallyneedsomeone to give me a push but im scared of the outcome. sorry for the rant but this is only place i can do it without making problems worse. gran
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Hi Gran,
I’m so sorry he is doing this to you. You are not responsible for his health, you can absolutely leave him and you would have nothing to feel guilty about. He is threatening to kill you, this is very serious and a crime. Have you thought about involving the police? It might be that push you feel you need. Whatever the outcome would be, it would be his fault and his responsibility, not yours.
Abuse does this to us, it makes us feel like we are obligated to stay out of fear and/or guilt, but we really aren’t. Being with someone is a choice and you have every right to choose yourself. It is not selfish to do what is best for you.
You can always post on here, it’s good to get these things out. I think I remember you have had contact with WA? If so please keep in contact with them for help, maybe they can help make you less scared of the outcome if you did one morning leave x It’s absolutely okay to say enough is enough x -
Oh I’ll give you the push darling, here it is;
You go to see your GP under the guise of a feminine matter (e.g. bladder infection) and you are telling them you are being abused by your husband, your life is threatened, tell them he talks about you being returned to your homeland in a coffin, your very life is in danger, they’ll be obligated to intervene in order to save your life.You sit back and let them take care of you and let them bring you into safety. Welcome their help, get into safety, do not think of your husband, he is NOT your responsibility, you cannot think of him, he doesn’t deserve your care or concern. If he can’t care for himself he will be placed into a senior care home, anyhow he is not your concern, what matters most is what happens to YOU.
If he is sick and weak, better for you, can you maybe not follow his orders and not go to bed when he tells you to? would that be a possibility? Would you be safe taking a little bit back of your freedom to movement?
Could one of your kids come get you? Call them all and ask to be removed from your house asap, tell them you had enough.
Another though I have for you is since your resolve to leave seems strongest in the evening, why not leave in the evening?
Call Women’s Aid to talk through a safe exit plan and get going in the evening. You’ll wake up in the morning somewhere else, somewhere safe 😌Please always do rant away, this is exactly what this place here is for, to let it out, to get support, to help you regain strength, to help you get to your freedom.
Sending you big hugs and strength 💕💪
Keep posting dear gran -
thank you both, although he threatens me, i’m not afraid of him, i am physically stronger than him now. and he knows it, i am also mentally stronger than him, although it probably doesnt sound like it. my adult children have all suffered mental health problems from their upbringing, i dont like to burden them, since their youngest sister died they are in a lot of anguish, i wouldnt go tothe police on him although he says these things, i know he wouldnt do anything, the doctors already know certain things about him i broke down many years ago, when he was a lot worse and talked to the doctor about him. but i really needed to get last night off my chest as it wears me down but i feelbetter after coming on here, thanks again love gran xx ps he cant even remember saying about the coffin, i think he says things in a half sleep stupour.
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