Bad week

[brokenscars]

I’m having a bad week just now, a bad month really. It’s been a few weeks now since he told me he wanted me out. I registered as homeless as I couldn’t afford anything on my own as a mum of multiple kids. And would have no support from him. But when it came to it I couldn’t force myself to go. Why should I upheave my children when he is the root cause for our problems?!

He also keeps pointing out that that’s the first thing I did when he gave me notice to leave. It wasn’t but I hit a point where I was scared what would happen if I didn’t. He keeps saying I gave up by doing that instead of fighting for our family. I feel Ive never stopped fighting for our “family” but I’m the only one fighting for it and what is left of it. I feel exhausted and drained.

Then he will flick a switch and be annoyed over something else. Something else that I’m to blame for. It will spiral and he will tell me I’m unstable and need help. Even when I have struggled with my mental health though I have been judged by him for asking for help, I can’t win. He makes me question if I am the problem, then I question why I’m not strong enough to just leave.

[Lisa]

Hi brokenscars,

I think anyone would struggle with this kind of behaviour. He enjoyed the power that being able to tell you to leave, knowing you had nowhere to go, gave him. He wanted to use this to control you into changing your behaviour to try and please him. When you made an application for housing from the homelessness team, that gave you an option that wasn’t him so now he’s trying to manipulate you into withdrawing your application by saying it’s not fighting for your family. Abusive behaviours can be so confusing but it can help to think of them in terms of power and control.

You did the right thing by finding out what your options were and acting on that. It is incredibly difficult to leave an abuser and isn’t a case of you not being strong enough. If you’re not already in touch with them, you could reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Put the kettle on]

Hi Brokenscars, hope you’re doing as well as can be.

I totally relate to that last paragraph, I struggle with my mental health too. I often ask myself if I’m the problem, they sure make us believe we’re the problem!

But that’s what they want brokenscars, they want us tired, drained, exhausted. They want our self esteem low. Why? So you don’t realize how amazing you are brokenscars and therefore you’ll stay and put up with his disrespect, poor behaviour, abuse.

 

You’re not alone, you’re not at fault. Could you maybe seek some advice from a local domestic abuse charity to see if they have any suggestions regarding housing? Whether that means you moving or him?

[Author]

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