Baiting

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hi all

My ex has recently stepped into “baiting” territory. It started with my friends who he sees when he picks our child up from school.

I was goaded in the waiting room at social services (he was threatening to go visit my other child).

At (detail removed by Moderator) pickup he parked his car across my driveway so I couldn’t leave for work until he’d secured our child in his car. I had pre-emptively texted him specifically asking him not to do this. He did and I asked him via text to move which he ignored. Eventually I left the house and had to wait for him to be ready. Of course this took a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng time, while he grinned at me the whole way through. I ended up driving across my lawn in desperation and as I drove past his car he purposely stepped out and my wing mirror hit him. I’m sure he will milk this for everything he can.

I just don’t know how to deal with this. Should I have just gone back inside and waited for him to go?

I can grey rock as much as possible but I’m now having to change my behaviour to avoid him and I HATE doing this. It gets my back up and I think WHY SHOULD I have to change my normal life just to accommodate his n********m?

What can I do.

[KIP.]

You can report him to the police for harassment. You can ring Rights for Women for free legal advice about sending him a legal warning that you will pursue a non harassment order. You can go straight for a non harassment order keeping him away from your drive. Preventing him from contacting you. Ensuring that all contact is done through a third party. You can arrange the pickup earlier and give yourself a half hour window so it doesn’t matter if he plays his games. Unfortunately he has seen you distressed and this will just goad him on further. The grey rock is a good method but doesn’t always work. Don’t feel you have to accept this behaviour. From now on keep a journal of his behaviour. Don’t let him carry on his abuse but try not to let it bother you either. Whatever you decide, know that you have choices and you have a right to live free from his harassment x refuse to be present in the same building/meeting as him. Report his behaviour to social services and request completely different meeting times and days. Insist on this for your safety and mental well being. Don’t let them bully you into contact. I know my recovery has been one hundred percent better because of zero contact. Any contact is triggering and to be avoided at all costs x

[EeyoreNoMore]

Thanks KIP, much appreciated.

I guess I just don’t want to be seen as being too much trouble. In the SS meeting was the first time he’s let his mask slip and his true personality started to show through. In that way, being in the room with him (with other people present) seemed to work to my advantage.

[KIP.]

You could ask that you are in separate waiting areas. And you are allowed to leave the meeting first. Alert them to his behaviour. You are entitled to feel safe and not be further abused.

[KIP.]

We are too used to keeping the peace at our own expense and well being. Not wanting to put anyone out or inconvenience anyone. Well not any more. Protect yourself x

[EeyoreNoMore]

Well he’s upped his game and reported me to the police for assault. I have to go in for an interview. Will this never end?

[KIP.]

This is why no contact is so very important. Any contact at all leaves you exposed to this kind of abuse. My ex did the same. Make sure you take legal advice before saying anything. You should have access to a free duty solicitor. You can ring Rights for Women. Ask about a non molestation order because of this behaviour. The answer to will it ever end is who knows, but you will always need to keep your guard up. Years later my ex is still reporting me. All you can do is minimise the damage by absolutely no contact.

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