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Just flagging up the BBC news today where they highlight the issues women have reporting coercive control to the police, how even women with lots of evidence have been dismissed and ignored and how women continue to fight for their rights.
I think it is really good that this issue is getting the publicity it deserves. Hopefully this will compel police forces to properly train their officers in DA, use the correct criteria in assessing cases and actually support women and pursue prosecutions against abusers.
The figures for police training on the BBC website are shocking. I am so glad a spotlight has been shone on the way women are treated and let’s hope it leads to real change.
If any of you have been dismissed and ignored when trying to report coercive control, hopefully police will now have to look again.
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By a huge amount of tenacity and willingness to fight back against police as well as the abuser. That is the sort of strength most women crawling away from abuse, simply don’t have. It is outrageous how women are treated. It’s great they are exposing it, but will it lead to real change?
BTW anyone replying, please don’t include personal court experience or the moderators will delete it. Sending lots of strength to us all.
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Yes, it seems like the reaction people get from the police is extremely hit and miss. I have had incredibly unhelpful ( they made it much worse in fact) responses, and, more recently, quite sympathetic and helpful responses.
For me, it was worth reporting just so that it’s on record. Worth doing for that alone. I wouldn’t have expectations too much higher than that though.Its absolutely true that having to face this when you’re crawling away from an abusive relationship is devastating.
I have to keep reminding myself how many women are killed by their partners ( not to mention the many more who are badly injured often with life changing injuries or who kill themselves. A lot of suicides by the way even though it’s the abusers that threaten it, it’s the women who actually do it). Because the attitude of many policemen and women is that it’s all a lot of fuss about nothing.Fortunately ( well, unfortunately)the facts tell a very different story.
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To my mind coercive control is inextricably linked to all other forms of domestic abuse, including controlling people who become violent even if they have never been so before, and especially linked to financial abuse ( a much under talked about aspect of dv in my opinion) and sexual abuse.
A very limited view of physical harm ( which essentially limits itself to bruises, cuts or broken bones) seems to dominate.
The effects of severe stress on the body doesn’t seem to ‘count’, although it is potentially much more serious than bruises, which can heal. Stress can and does cause serious long term health conditions. -
Luckily mine was reported via a combo of SS, police & school. I’m told it’s rare that a DA worker, police and SS all work together to arrest the abuser and I am thankful. But after, you are left with the fallout of moving several hundred miles away, leaving pets, family, long police investigation, work, money issues, schooling, family court and then no support (well a local DA worker provided after much pushing from local children services who I end up jollying along rather than them providing me support – she’s very nice but that’s not the point).
I’m now looking at being homeless (won’t be able to afford rental and local housing allowance is far short of the rent and even if I claim UC it’s not doable) shortly having spent my (relative removed by Moderator) inheritance on legal fees, no job as they want me back in the office which is several hundred miles away and having trouble finding anything here, a relentless ex via family court, and will end up having to represent myself at fact find, local council tell me I should get ex out of half owned home which he is bailed to, but children’s guardian say it’s not safe to move back to (and still needs to be sold as legally will be half ex’s via divorce proceedings) and police concerned if I move back closer to my owned property that I might reconcile and jeopardise their case.
Who is sitting pretty? Guess my ex! He’s still in mortgage free originally my owned home on which I paid all bills until recently bleating that I’m the abusive one. Frankly I would have been better off moving out to somewhere closer to my old family home and ignoring the DA worker and SS. I could still have worked Yes, ex could be a pain but with bail conditions I would be no worse off. And at least now I would still be able to work with a reasonable wage. The argument was here I have family support but the odd emergency pick up from school ((number removed by Moderator) times in (number removed by Moderator) months), (number removed by Moderator) days out in the school holidays, and occasional invite for sunday lunch doesn’t really equate to family support. I’m thousands down in after school and holiday club, knackered and trying to support children who miss their dad despite them knowing his shortcomings. I can’t now uproot them from school they’ve settled in.
So, what’s the answer?
Yes, we’re safe on one level but not on another level. Everything is focused on removing the abused person and children but what then? You are left to fend for yourself with no emotional or financial support and deal with the fallout. I like the suggestion of the children social worker and solicitor – “get yourself some counselling”. Two things: (a) costs money which you may/may not have: (b) how when you are trying to work and do school runs when all the blooming courses run during school times (when you are working) or evening (when you are looking after children) It almost seems as if the abuser is rewarded. Maybe if you are not working and able to access funding you will be ok but that’s not the majority of us.
Sorry, rant over.
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