Because my daughter’s don’t believe me

[Woollymammal]

I had to come on quick and ask you, I’ve just to been to visit my daughter.. Both my daughter’s have never believed their step dad abuses me, although one has witnessed him strangle me and fronted me..
They believe I made him do that by sticking up for myself… they are frustrated with me as when I had the physchotic drug and felt a little better for (detail removed by moderator) days, then I felt worse than before I took it.. don’t tbink I had any energy left and decided to stay a bit to sort my head out..But I realised again that he and the death of my daughter has made my mental health bad..But when he doesn’t even let me grieve and abuses me too..
They think I’m doing the wrong thing and running they can’t understand I’m running from him because of the abuse.. and not because my mental health is bad because my daughter (detail removed by moderator)…
I just can’t get them to understand that I understand they don’t know as they don’t live with him..
Now I’m doubting myself again and feel full of panic..
Last night I almost caught him looking at my phone, all night he kept looking to see if I’m on my phone.. then he’d just stare, but I ignored him staring.. he asked later in Bec I am I ok.. I said yes..
Panic and anxiety is high, why can’t they accept what I’m telling them?

X*x

[maddog]

Before you do anything else, put your feet on the ground. Feel the ground beneath them. Become aware of your breathing. Look and feel what’s around you, just for now.

Psychoactive drugs do all sorts of weird things and the effects on us change over time, so something that helped years ago may not do the same now…

You can’t do anything about what your children think. Perhaps when you are safe you may be in a better position. You know why you need to leave. It’s so difficult. The death of a child is one of the most harrowing things. Are you living in that moment? I am only now beginning to recover from the death of a sibling when I was very young.

So many people don’t understand domestic abuse and certainly don’t want to believe it’s happening to them. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.

[KIP.]

It’s victim blaming and I got it from my own son and stepdaughter.i was the one abused and they witnessed it yet it’s easier to side with a frightening abuser, it’s safer for them and they will have to work it out for themselves. Even if there was no abuse, you want out of an very unhappy relationship and they should support you no matter what. You need to put your own needs first and forge ahead. When they’re left to deal with him they will see exactly what you had to deal with. You do not need their permission or validation x I left, I survived and have a new abuse free life to build on x

[Woollymammal]

Hi both, thank you for your reply, it’s been a lot of yrs since my daughter was killed.. from that moment the abuse escalated.. if i was sad I couldn’t be, if I cried I wasn’t allowed if I was angry, it was don’t take it out on him..
Violence and abuse for (detail removed by moderator) years..
I did retaliate which brought the violence, no I’m a yes person, no violence but the emotional, financial abuse is terrible…
I’ve tried to explain to my daughter’s they don’t even want me to talk about it when I’m with my youngest..
But (detail removed by moderator), when my daughter was frustrated at me for not staying and getting better.. I said but it’s the abuse that’s making me so ill..
Panic and doubts overwhelming..
But I know I’m not staying, I’m hoping they will eventually see a change in me when ive left..
X*x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi woolly, I’m now at a stage that I no longer care if people don’t believe me. Deep down I think your daughter’s just might, but maybe their guilt for not having done more is what is driving them now. Even if that is what is going on it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters apart from your safety and your happiness. It’s the age old analogy put on your oxygen mask first to be able to help others. Take that leap of faith in yourself, surround yourself with positive well meaning people. I have to distance myself from my own children, who as adults make their own choices in how to behave. Just take baby steps,
IWMB 💞💞

[Woollymammal]

Hi IWantmeback,

Lovely to hear from you, and I hope you’ve managed to find some peace with your freedom?
I’m in panic mode at the moment, but the thought of having my own place and decorating it is exciting too..
It’s heart breaking our children(adults now) don’t believe us..
But I suppose I’ve realised I need to step away a little to live my life and let them live theirs..
After my daughter was killed I’ve been involved even more in my other 2 daughter’s lives, and wanted their support..But I know I still have to go for me, I know it’s abuse and like you loved in it too long it’s destroyed me..
Sending hugs
X*x

[Author]

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