Been fighting so long

[Hopscotch]

Hi I’m new on here – I don’t really know where to start – the life I knew (detail removed by moderator)  is in tatters – physically & mentally – following an extremely acrimonious divorce. My life reads like a soap opera and I’m actually struggling to comprehend that everything did happen to me and that I haven’t dreamt it or come up with some fictional life as I have been disbelieved so many times, been told I must be the abusive one and today I’m really struggling with reality. Deep down I know I have got this but it is buried so deep by betrayal of professional people that were meant to support me, by systems meant to support me, by family that i could easily convince myself everything is my fault and that I am to blame for where I am now. This seems an easier option to follow than continue with a fight I have been fighting for too long and seemingly getting nowhere. My solicitor representing me did not believe what my x was capable of in ways to (detail removed by moderator) As a result I was let down (detail removed by moderator)  The barrister I then appointed did not turn up (detail removed by moderator) Everything is so long and complicated that just getting here has mentally exhausted me and I need to take a break.

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome, without knowing all the details I can say one hundred percent that the c**p that happens to you was absolutely real. It’s happened to me and many women on here. Unbelievable professionals who were supposed to have our backs, totally let down. I had an argument with my own legal team and felt my energy was taken up trying to persuade them what my ex was capable of. ‘He can’t lie’ one of them kept repeating. So you have my total sympathy but you have found a wonderfully supportive forum to help you regroup and choose your battles. I’d consider suing the Barrister that didn’t turn up. Ask about legal aid or compensation directly to him/her. Write to their complaints department. The legal ombudsman makes the final decision. Imagine a rock in a choppy sea. That’s your rock of truth and you hang on while the choppy sea of lies and untruths tries to force you off that rock. You hang on. That’s your truth and you know it x

[diymum@1]

KIP is right use your tenacity – keep going keep fighting even if you have one day off writing to complain a day off to rest. keep going your determination will pay off xx the truth always shows through in the end xx

[diymum@1]

actually your determination without faltering says everything xxxx

[Hopscotch]

Thank you both – I have come here today because I got removed from another forum – because people on there could not understand that I am still having to deal with ongoing abuse – and every time I defended myself I was seen to be abusive. They say I’m obsessive and delusional. I’m under my GP for severe depression – he is the only one who has totally supported me through this – he kept telling me it would end soon – it hasn’t. I feel I have been bullied on here by people who say they have suffered abuse.

(detail removed by moderator)

I have been trying to fight this whilst continue with ongoing difficulty from the x – he is a highly regarded professional I am a SAHM – I just do not have the capacity that he does. My kids have been subject to ongoing emotional and financial abuse – they do not see it though

I am surrounded by packing boxes – the family home was sold from under my feet – I have to leave now as both kids have just gone off to uni one two weeks ago one today – I have been through a living hell – no one gets this – no one gets that I have felt suicidal with despair – there are no physical bruises but the physical impact can be seen all around me – in the house, on my body covered in sores – all I needed was help and to be believed

[KIP.]

What is SAHM? Sorry I don’t recognise it. Have you ever been in touch with your local women’s aid? They we’re absolutely miles ahead of other organisations. Leaving the family home must be horrendous for you. Hopefully it will The the start of a new beginning. Well done for pursuing your solicitor and barrister. I had to do the same. Their investigating body is full of solicitors too. It’s not fair from the get go. At least you did your best. My ex was also a highly regarded professional. Slimy and manipulative. Are you no contact with him? Contact is toxic for us x

[Hopscotch]

Stay at home mum

I called the helpline – was feeling pretty desperate I’ve been given the number for the local group but haven’t got round to speaking to them yet – had a pretty emotional weekend what with kids gone and just felt I have lost my ability to trust people. I feel lost – that I have lost myself and don’t know who I am anymore.

I am so tired still got so many loose ends to tie up, getting into a bit of a financial mess as x did not pay last maintenance payment and cannot get through to cms. Their online portal is a waste of time – just acknowledge your message and say will get back to you but don’t actually deal with the issue.

I think I need to be out the home in a couple of weeks as cannot afford the next rental payment – already missed one – trying to juggle everything and it’s slowly disintegrating around my ears

Thank you for support

[Xyz123]

This is so right speak to women’s aid they were brilliant with my situation of covert abuse which no one gets – I went to the police who were useless – I made a complaint and felt heard .

Women’s aid know that abuse takes on so many forms .

I encourage everybody to raise awareness of covert emotional abuse it is hidden destabilising uses brainwashing as a technique – it is utter utter Hell to break free from

Best wishes x

[Orangeapple]

Hi hopscotch I totally relate to your situation, not being believed, and self doubting to the extreme, and then the exhaustion from the length of time. Something that helped me see the reality was the good you can see in others is actually the good you have in yourself. And tell those who don’t believe you that you need to leave their opinions with them, as it is not how it is, so you won’t be taking their thoughts on board. Ask questions rather than make statements, helping them to unpick their conclusion.

[Author]

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