Been here almost a year!

[Sad and alone]

Looking back over of posts, I came here almost a year ago. Things still exactly the same now. The other day I found a recording on my phone of an argument that was over two years old. All this wasted time.

In a low period right now. He’s been having a go for (detail removed by Moderator) days straight about the same thing. I’m trying to please him but it’s no good, so what he asks and he’ll just start shouting about things I didn’t do before which I obviously can’t change.

Feeling sad and crying. This morning when he was going on I was in another room and kept rubbing my arm and telling myself shhh, everything is okay. Trying to comfort myself or just acting crazy, I don’t know.

I feel so worthless. I have no enthusiasm for anything. Things I love I can’t even muster up any energy for. I feel like the useless person he says I am.

I hate how one minute he seems happy with me and then the next he’ll be criticising and saying horrible things. All excused away by him saying he’s just telling the truth. He keeps saying he’s here to help me and I can do whatever I want and he’s there to help me. How everything he does is for me. It’s like if he says this it means he’s a good person.

Can anyone point me in the direction of where I can read the books online? I can’t even remember what they’re called… Lundy Bancroft? I think I found actual books to buy before but obviously it isn’t safe to order them. I need to start reading or doing something to move forwards.

[Sad and alone]

I’ve found it now I think. But already reading a little bit I’m thinking I can’t relate to it so maybe it is me after all… maybe I’m the one in the wrong.

[nbumblebee]

2 years for me and im still in the same place fighting the same demons. There is no time scale we move foward at our own pace sweetie. Bad days happen all too often but good days will appear too. You have just gotta believe in yourself sweetie. Sending hugs x*x

[Better-days]

3 years for me 🥲. Try the freedom program I sure u can do it online. I hope u are ok. Don’t think because u can’t relate to the book your at fault everyone of our stories r different. Xx

[Happybelle]

Gosh you mentioning rubbing your own arm telling yourself you’re ok. These are just the saddest moments and I’ve don’t that one myself. The other one was sitting on my bed with tears rolling down saying to myself “ I want my mum”.
These people have no idea or just don’t care about the devastating impact that they have. You will find your time when it’s right to move on x

[Sad and alone]

I’ve done that many times too Happybelle. I can’t do anything but cry when I think about my Mum and Dad. How angry they’d be about the whole thing. I wish they were here so I could go to them and have them tell me everything will be alright.
I have been in this relationship for so many years but only really started acknowledging it when I first came here. Although I knew things weren’t right for years before but they’ve escalated since we moved away. When people say they’ve been in relationships for a couple of years I get upset that I’ve wasted so much time in comparison and am still not making moves to do anything about it.

[Happybelle]

Your timescale is your own and really I had had enough for a really long time before I got to the point of realising nothing will ever change and I needed some serious third party help to get him out of my home. I needed to get to that point sadly. I wasn’t able to do it any sooner.

[Sad and alone]

Thank you. Gives me some hope I might actually make a change someday. If we split up I would be the one leaving due to where we live, as much as I like to think I could manage it I probably really couldn’t. So don’t even have that worry, but obvs there is a lot of other things to sort out which at the moment I don’t feel I can face. Like it’s easier to just stay and navigate my life as it is. I hope it won’t be forever but know that’s up to me.

[Overcome]

Sad and Alone…

I’m so sorry to read this post. I think many if not all of us can relate to those times where you are just so low and numb and it feels like there is no one around to comfort you so you have to comfort yourself. It is devastating!

You don’t need to relate to what’s in those books honey. From what you say it seems that this relationship is not healthy and healing for you. It doesn’t always need a label. That being said I remember questioning again and again if what I was going through was abuse and am I making it all up in my head; even wondering if it really was me that was crazy!

You are in survival mode right now and it is so so hard to think clearly when you’re in that state; not wanting to be in that situation but also unable to make the move to do anything about it.

Lets say even if what you’re going through isn’t abuse, it is still an unhealthy relationship that is draining your spirit, and that is not right. You should feel safe and secure and loved, or not be in it at all.

I’m sorry to say this, but it doesn’t get better, you just lose more and more of yourself until there’s nothing left. You have one chance at life and it is not easy to walk away, but believe me you can do it and you will survive! And you will find yourself again and put the broken pieces back together bit by bit until you can start to see the world around you once more.

Be kind to yourself, it doesn’t matter how long it takes, everyone is on their own journey; you’ll know when the time is right.

With love,

Overcome x x x

[Sad and alone]

Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. The sad thing is even though you can recognise it all you sometimes can’t change it. How easy it is for people who haven’t been here to say just leave! How I used to think if I was ever in that situation, I’d just leave. How if anyone laid hands on me, I’d just leave. If I wasn’t in love with someone, I’d just leave. It frustrates me that I am still here as like you say the relationship isn’t working so… I’ve said to him he is obvs not happy either as always complaining about the way I am but despite the number of years we’ve been together his answer is always that I just need to change for everything to work.

[Bluebirds]

Overcome – thankyou I really needed to hear that today.

[Author]

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