This topic contains 18 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #69991
     thepoppygirl 
    Participant

    This is a bit silly, but if any of you went to the doctors about abusive relationships. What did you tell the secretary when asked for the reason of the appointment?
    Love,
    ThePoppyGirl xx

  • #69993
     Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    Dear ThePoppyGirl

    Please don’t feel you ‘have’ to divulge anything you don’t want to. The most important thing is that you get to speak to a caring good gp who can help you with so much.

    Just say whatever you need, normally you ont hae o justify why you need an appt to see your GP.

    Good luck and hope it goes well.

    Warmest wishes ts

  • #69994
     Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    *won’t have to justify

  • #70002
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi the Secretary just needs to know in order to let the doctor know in advance, it’s not that they’re being nosey. If you want you could say it’s about panic attacks or feeling anxious,or you’ve been having really bad headaches it’s not made up and diesnt tell the Secretary anything you don’t want them to know. (Plus those are symptoms we get being in an abusive relationship anyway)
    Week done I going to see yuour doctor, that’s a big step too.
    IWMB 💕🐟

  • #70007
     freedomtochoose 
    Blocked

    Well done for making the appointment.
    I feel it is really important to foster an understanding of the potential aftermath of domestic abuse emotional and/or physical – amongst the medical profession. I know this is not your job, however my jotting
    down something here partly happened as a result of I’m afraid negative experiences of doctors who either didn’t listen, or had sterotypes in their heads.

    I feel patient confidentiality (and patient dignity) is often ignored or sidelined. As patients, we have rights, and one of them is confidentiality. When asked by a receptionist please don’t be afraid to say ‘it’s confidential, thanks’ politely. You don’t have to explain.It is between you and the doctor.

    Secondly, try to take someone with you if you care.

    Thirdly, on occasion I have taken a letter in with me which I have written, which explained my symptoms from my point of view. The latest G.P scanned this in on to my notes. I did this because I often felt re-traumatised when I got a new G.P and had to explain it all from scratch.

    Finally, please remember that you should, if needed be able to access a copy of your notes. I have found it important to check these. Especially if you are facing court matters. More than once I a G.P had unbeknown to me written something which was inaccurate or biased – for example one wrote that I was ‘having a breakdown’ when I was quite clearly not. I don’t mean to frighten you but especially if you have kids this can be important. I learned the hard way.

    Finally, would like to point towards patient chaperone services and your right to a second opinion. All this is very much a postcode lottery – and things may be way better where you are than where we are, but as survivors and citizens we deserve the very best standards of care, which isn’t always evident. And I fully understand that G.P’s have limited time and can’t be trained in everything.

    I would like to say when I experienced the worst I had experienced with a G.P. (he minimised what I had experienced and said he experienced abuse ‘every day’ in his surgery) – I was with my refuge worker at the time who was absolutely furious about it. She encouraged me to make a complaint – I didn’t feel strong enough at the time but years later we had an abuse recovery group where a policy woman was invited and I was able to suggest improvements.

    There is an organisation called sepa which can advocate for you if needed. They have a waiting list.

    Well done. Hope it goes well
    ftc
    x

  • #70009
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    It depends how your feeling? If your going to be retraumatised by specifying it’s due to the effects of DV. I personally send an email first (you can ask for the clinical mail box)but I do tend to tell the receptionist exactly what it is, I usually say to discuss anxiety due to dealing with my ex and there is a history of dv. I’m at a point where I don’t hide anything from people, for me personally it helps me to be open. I honestly think when your candid with people they tend to not lump you in with typical stereo types. I would hope that they wouldn’t take that approach and if they did as above I’d get a second opinion and also put in a complaint. Xx

  • #70013
     freedomtochoose 
    Blocked

    sorry typo that should have read ‘if you can’.
    all best
    ftc
    x

  • #70016
     freedomtochoose 
    Blocked

    Also one other thing which may be useful is the patient access system.
    This is an electronic system where you can book an appointment at your convenience, without
    having to speak to anyone. Useful for those with shift work or child care respoinsiblties
    once again though it is probably also a post code lottery as to whether you have this in your surgery/area. It is a bit fiddly to sign up to you need to take in photo id but once you have done it you can check certain records/make appointments et.c online
    all best
    ftc
    x

  • #70022
     Tiffany 
    Participant

    I told the secretary. I’m not sure if this influenced my experience, but my doctor was great. I had just left and moved to a new area, so I had asked for a female doctor and explained why. She talked to me for an hour and had information to hand about available support. There wasn’t a lot, but that wasn’t the doctors fault. I think they must have booked me in for an extra long appointment. I never felt that she had her eye on the clock, which was really helpful. Experience is obviously going to vary GP to GP. But it might be helpful if you ask for a double slot. 10 minutes or 15 (depending on the practice) isn’t much to open up in.

  • #70028
     freedomtochoose 
    Blocked

    Thanks also. Hadn’t thought of that actually. Here due to the advocacy I have had and the above steps, the surgery seem to have improved on this front. The cuts have had a lot to do with it at our end. best ftc x

  • #70067
     Landy 
    Participant

    Just wondered what you actually said to your gp at your first appointment? Thinking of booking myself in, but not sure what to say?

  • #70069
     thepoppygirl 
    Participant

    Hi Landy,
    That’s a good question. I just sat down to write down what I’m going to stay and turns out I don’t know how to explain it all. I see my gp frequently and he’s lovely and very patient, but I have no idea what to say. So I’m also wondering how every one went about it. I’ll update the thread once Ive been.
    Love
    ThePoppyGirl xx

  • #70077
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi ladies, I’ve been seeing my gp for over 2 decades, actually longer than this relationship. I had so many different scenarios in my head, as it turned out, I couldn’t speak, I started to cry, and ever so quietly said, ive Just come to realise my husband abuses me, verbally emotionally and at times physically and i really don’t know what to do, i feel im going mad.and then I really broke down.
    Hope this helps
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70291
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    I’m so envious that there are surgeries where you get to see the same gp. I can’t remember the last time I saw the same gp twice, our surgery just seems to have a rolling conveyor of them.
    I have developed stomach issues and been getting sent for all sorts of tests, so I have to call them regularly. They won’t let you make an appointment unless you do the ‘triage’ thing first. Call in the morning and ask for the gp to call you back, wait all day for that call, speak to gp who then decides if you merit an appointment.
    It’s made it so very difficult to talk to them. I don’t do so well talking on the ‘phone for some reason, and forget to look at my notes, forget what I wanted to say etc.
    Anyway, I finally asked one lady gp if she thought the issues could be down to being in an abusive relationship, and she said it could be, however I should still have the physical tests to be sure. She got the reception to call me with an appointment to come in though.
    When I went for that appointment it was another gp I’d never seen before, a young man. He said ‘How can I help today?’. Either he hadn’t read the notes, or there weren’t any. I just told him the last gp had asked me to come in. All he did was refer me to a hospital for a procedure.
    If you’ve got a regular gp, take advantage of that fact.

  • #70298
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Ebony raven,I’m shocked at the situation you’re in re seeing a doctor. I thank God ours, here is so different. Whatever happened to phoning up, and getting an appointment. We have a small practice, 3 doctors, we occasionally get a locum and even they are lovely. It’s very awkward to have to restart your story after having found the courage to tell it in the first place. I agree with getting the checks done though, you could have something which isn’t caused by stress, but it’s more than likely to be the root cause. I too have problems with my stomach, the pain is excrucisting at times. Even if nothing untoward is found out doesn’t mean you’re imagining the pain. Anxiety causes acid reflux, problems swallowing, all sorts. All the medicine in the world can’t stop abuse or the REAL health problems that arise from it. I’ve started getting headaches again, used to suffer migraines, but since menopause they’ve stopped. The headaches come on about an hour or so after my oh gets home from work. I hope it’s nothing seriously serious.

    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70321
     freedomtochoose 
    Blocked

    EBony raven, still got terrible flu here at the moment
    but would like to express solidarity
    hope we can all band together and at least support each other in this.
    My experiences mirror yours.
    I dread going to the docs at all for that reason
    all best
    ftc
    x

  • #70403
     thepoppygirl 
    Participant

    Hi everyone,
    I have now been to the doctors. I just decided to say the honest reason for the appointment. It went fine and it helped. I have another one booked. Xx
    Thank you for the support and encouragement ladies x*x
    ThePoppyGirl

  • #70407
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    Thanks all.

    That’s great thepoppygirl, I’m so glad for you. xx

  • #70408
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Great news poppy girl, that was a huge step you’ve just taken 💜💜

    IWMB 💕💕

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