This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  fizzylem 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #72007
     cupofcoffee 
    Participant

    Did anyone watch the BBC documentary Behind closed doors in the eyes of a child?

    I thought it was a very good documentary but two things bothered me very much

    One was the fact that the family had to move after the daughter’s school was revealed, why the hell was the ex husband not in jail instead if he breached a restraining order?

    Second was the social workers comments t couples should split after arguing, I though that was victim blaming and lacked understanding of domestic abuse as it is the men who are arguing, violent, and it is never as simple as just having a row.

  • #72025
     Rebirthaftertrauma 
    Participant

    Just finished watching it. Felt the same to be honest.
    fuming at the comment someone made in the documentary that (about half way through) – we need to work with women to understand the effects of domestic abuse upon children. I took that in the context of victim blaming, maybe I am being over sensitive? Felt complete lack of understanding towards women suffering abuse, that it’s not that easy to just leave!

  • #72026
     Rebirthaftertrauma 
    Participant

    And they could have highlighted fact research shows mothers (generally) do their up most to maintain children’s safety in such dangerous situations. And the dangers of leaving – not having a safe exit plan…Sorry to rant- just those couple of comments in the documentary have got to me. Rant over.

  • #72039
     cupofcoffee 
    Participant

    I completely agree with you, I just got the impression that one of the social workers were not understanding domestic abuse, and once again it is the women who take the brunt of the blame, the comments about the women’s house being a “sh** pit” was so rude!

  • #72040
     cupofcoffee 
    Participant

    Why do women have the unannounced visits, the comments about the house, and why do they have to move each time, but the men seem to have very little consequences?

  • #72045
     Rebirthaftertrauma 
    Participant

    It sounded like that woman needed support, not judgement. I understand the focus was upon the children, however I am a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child, supporting parents is essential, unless it was the way it was edited? She might have said shes a great mum doing her best whilst feeling under constant fear (whether her ex was still a high risk threat or not – they commented that he hadn’t been in touch for a year? & There are other ways to continue to try and harress someone).

  • #72113
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Made me cry! Almost didnt watch it.

    Thought the mum had such a lovely, loving relationship with her son, that he was clearly burdoned with stuff he shouldnt have been, but that he also seemed to be doing ok with it now, he’s clearly had some good support/is getting the support he needs – which will obs be coming from a number of places.

    No words for the older girl who lost her mum – other than, wow, she spoke so elequently, ‘I do not understand why he would want to kill my mum’.

    If only more dad’s had their PR took away.

  • #72187
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    i watched this last night, yeh i had a few tears too, so unfair all round. They looked like they were very deprived as well. that is so wrong no child should have to deal with all of that 🙁 why are they not getting the money and support to the innocent people in all of this? im actually goig to make an appoinmwet to see my solicitor this week to ask about removing pr. after all of this im still scared of the repercussions xx still in my mind im thinking(irrationally) what if i open this case and he manages to get contact again xx

  • #72431
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    diymum, you dont sound like yourself today, this or something has effected you for sure. Only where there is severe abuse do dad’s lose their PR, also suspect that if he says he wants to change then this is taken into account, that those that do lose it often don’t really care about having it, sad but true, so wrong how the dad’s PR is all too often placed above the child’s welfare.

    Thinking you could do with a chat on the helpline flower. I know what you mean, can feel better to get and feel in front sometimes, but sometimes it is also better to do nothing when we dont know what to do until the answer presents itself to us, or sometimes its about feeling confident that you will deal with whatever happens when and if it occurs hey. Certainly wont hurt to gather info atm to help you establish what the situation is and what if anything could be done though hey. Big hugs xx

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