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    • #147949
      soconfused2
      Participant

      Sorry, me again! I’m in the process of divorcing but will are still in the same home.

      A couple of things recently –

      He brought up my struggles years ago with (detail removed by moderator) and the other day came up to me and kept asking if the kids were safe with me. He then went out so I don’t think he had any real concerns. He was just mad at me because he wanted to ignore a call from one of our children’s school saying she was unwell and needed collecting.

      He ignores me a lot, even in front on the children, but has now said I have to stop trying to communicate with him when the children are there. So I can’t even ask, for example, have you seen her teddy?

      Is this sort of refusal to communicate normal in a breakup where there are kids? I had thought we’d be able to be civil/make small talk about the kids, go to the children’s events together, but maybe I’m strange?!

      I feel so bad for the children that it’s come to this.

      Any words of wisdom appreciated. I’m struggling today.

    • #147951
      KillingMeSlowly
      Participant

      My ex just stopped speaking to me for a while. We lived together and shared a child.. I don’t think it’s normal at all!

      Like you, I was trying so hard to be amicable for our child’s sake. I was hoping to co-parent.

      What I realised is that it is almost impossible, or is impossible, to remain amicable with abusers or to co-parent with them. They want all the control and this means being able to 100% dictate how things occur between you and them and in the family dynamic.

    • #147966
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      It’s not normal, but is is normal for an abuser. It’s just yet another method of control and dominance.

      I had all this after I ended things but we were still in the house. The kids pick up on it too. Treat it like you would a toddler tantrum, don’t react to him and remain civil on your part, basically don’t give him anything to react to. I know it’s tough, it’s b****y awful way to live but he’s waiting to react. They won’t always be vile. Unfortunately when they are being nice though it’s usually to benefit them in some way, so he might do sports days etc but only if it makes him look good to others (not even the kids, he’ll care more about general public than them!).

    • #147982
      Auriel
      Participant

      He’s still trying to maintain dominance hes thinks hes being in control and strong but hes just playing childish games when you think about it, and the are the kids gonna be safe with you is a full on gaslighting attack to try and make you think your unstable (don’t buy into it) see him as a toddler using childish games it’ll make things less confusing (I hope you get an end to it soon so you wont have to put up with it much longer) 🤗💙🤗

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