BEST Decision i ever made in my life but paying for it

[lostbetweenthestars]

i have been away from my controlling, n********t ex for over (time frame removed by moderator).

i was with him for over (time frame removed by moderator) and the realisation of what he did to me now the questions i have in my head was why? and how did i survive? i am now suffering with anxiety and depression and had a huge nervous breakdown in june this year because i kept fighting the pain off.

I should have known from the very start as when i moved in with him we where in a mouldy studio place and i had messaged my mates that i used to work with and they where men as i get on with men more than woman (i do have woman friends just i have boy mates more) when he had asked who i was messaging i told him it was a friend i used to work with well…. he literally grabbed me by my throat and started to strangle me after a few seconds i had dropped to the floor and the usually ‘I’m so sorry i didn’t mean to do that BS and then he gave me the story of he had anger management problems the usual lies to make me feel sorry for him and stupid enough i did. (detail removed by moderator)

(detail removed by moderator) After we had a few arguments here and there he was controlling who i could talk to and i didn’t just to make him happy. then we moved out as we thought it would work getting a bigger place so a few years went by then things started to get ugly.

i worked with alot of women so you know what we are like we like a good chat! his behaviour started to change again as i said im gonna go out and see the girls from work. He was like no your not you dont have money and i said i do only gonna go out for a couple of drinks then i was made to feel like c**p like oh you can get ready and go out so then i worked out that he was also a jelous man i mean im not katie price more like lizzo but still i wanted to feel good so then i had to make an excuse why i couldnt go so i didnt go and was made to feel c**p for the rest of the night. i woke up the next day for him to go out a and get a maccys breakfast he came back and said im sorry so i didnt say anything for the next (time frame removed by moderator) after i had lost myself and felt like a robot even when i was ill i was MADE to cook not him to look after me he couldnt care less and when i cooked for him and i didnt as i wasnt hungry he smashed the plate so again i went back to bed and he slept on the sofa again making me feel like it was my fault.

 

i could go on and on because there is so much to say but one day in (date removed by moderator) my instncts was hurting me so much my stomach was killing me telling me somthing is wrong. he had a i watch he was at work so i thought f**k it im gonna look through it even this is not what i wanted to do but i had to shut everything up in my head and my heart so i grabbed the watch and looked into his messages. and to my sight i was right from (time frame removed by moderator) he behaviour was wired and he was very forceful and made you feel like s**t so everything was becoming very clear i thought this is my time to build up eveidence and my god the evidence i had when ever he wanted to be intamate with me from there on i refused because he was with this other girl. so i screen shot everything on his tablet because he had a few pictures every time he went to work i checked to see if anything was new on and sometimes there would be and sometimes he wouldnt.

(date removed by moderator) i had gotten back in touch with my oldest and best friend who is now a brother to me and i sent him everything the pictures and messages and i said have i lost it i think i losing my mind i wanna die i dont want to be on this earth anymore i didnt even tell my own family because i thought they wouldnt belive me he said to me get out and get out now a girl i used to work with messaged me to say if i was still with him and i said yes why and she said oh a girl i work with wants to know so i said if she wants to know she can ask me herself and i knew who it was but i thought the ball is in her court see what happens so i screen shotted the message and i thought you know what im gonna wait until i get home because i know he would have the time to make some stupid story up that she was a mate blah blah. so when i got him i asked him the awnser i got from him was dont know what your on about so i said im just asking because it seems wierd that someone is asking if we are still together.

next day messaged my friend again he called me and said get out now i was in tears i was ready to give up in myself and but this time i saw the message saying (detail removed by moderator). i sent him a picture of him and his new lover in bed together and said you made me look stupid you made me lose myself well i hope your happy im done then blocked him. when i came back from being away from him ive never seen a man so lost and so angry at the same time. so the first thing i said was who is she the usual reply she’s a friend so i asked again WHO IS SHE he said whats the matter with you shes just a friend then in my head clicked in and my voice telling me NOW IS THE TIME i got my phone out and i said if i die now at least i fought it and caught him so i showed all the pictures and messages he and her had sent to each other and i said just a friend is she he face dropped and said im sorry i sorry just hit me i deserve it so i said why should i thats what you want and i got my things and left there is more to this story but i have waffled long enough and has been very hard reliving this.

 

But what i am saying to you is please go with your instincts because its telling you and warning you your not crazy and you haven’t lost your mind he/she has put that in your head to make you feel this way.

now im a new person and i haven’t felt better in myself in years even though im going through a very dark patch at the moment as i have hit rock bottom because of all the debts he made me get into using my name to get loans out but i can now say i was in a domestic abuse and i am a surviour and me again

[Lisa]

Hello lostbetweenthestars,

Thank you for sharing your experience – it sounds like you’ve been through so much.

The behaviour from your ex sounds extremely violent, intimidating and abusive. It’s good to hear that you have managed to make the huge step of breaking away from this relationship, I hope you are feeling in a better and safer place now.

It might be useful to know about the organisation Surviving Economic Abuse, who offer support and advice to survivors of financial abuse. https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[lostbetweenthestars]

thankyou lisa i will look into this x

[Author]

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